YUNGBLUD ~ A Wild Ride 🖤💕

48 ~ The Dark Parts

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️
Heavy mentions of self harm, body image and suicidal thoughts/attempts.
Please read with care for yourself in mind.
⚠️🖤⚠️

July 8th, 2019

Dom softly places his hand on my arm. "Can you take a sharp breath in for me, sweetie." I do as she says, pain consuming me. I wince as I let the breath out. "I'm guessing that hurt." She says. I nod as she takes a note of it.

"If I make you feel uncomfortable, please make sure to tell me." She tells me again. I agree, "I'm just going to have a feel and see if I can feel any breaks." She says as she brings her hands up to my collar bones, she gently presses into them both, moving out towards my shoulders. "How does that feel?" She asks.

"That's feels fine." I reply, she moves her hands to my chest. She begins gently pushing down on my top ribs, moving from the inside to the outside. She continues, moving down my rib cage. When she gets to just above my bra, my hand reaches up and grabs hers, pulling it away from my chest.

"Sorry!" I apologise. "No, you're fine. Where did it hurt?" She delicately runs her fingers along my skin, just barely touching me. "Right there." I say as she gets to the right hand side.

"Take a slow breath in for me" she says, her index and middle finger pressed against my skin. "Right, that's definitely a break." She says taking some notes down.

Dom rubs my arm softly, reassuring me. She continues on, running her hands across my ribs. She moves onto the ribs below my bra. Panic begins to set in as her fingers run across my fresh scars. My eyes well up as I feel myself turning pale. I turn my head to Dom, he senses how uncomfortable I am. "If you need her to stop, just say." He says in a whisper.

I remain still, my heart racing. "No, please stop!" I shout out, a few tears escaping. She quickly pulls away as promised. "Can we have a moment alone." Dom asks the woman, she quickly leaves the room.

"Hey, I'm so proud of you y/n." He says softly. I shake my head. He scoots closer to me, pushing a few stray hairs behind my ear. Dom moves his hand, it lands on the top of my stomach.

"I wish you didn't have to see me like this." I sob to him. He remains silent for a moment before replying, "Like what?". "Like this," I say, my hands hover above me as I point up and down. "I'm so insecure, it makes me physically sick." I barely manage to say.

Dom looks shocked. Like he can't believe what just came out of my mouth. "These scars," I begin, pointing to the scars on my chest, just below my bra. "I did that to myself. Because I hate myself, I hate the person I am, the way I look, I hate me. I'm so sick of me." I say breaking eye contact.

"Hey, hey, hey," he begins in a gentle, reassuring tone. "Listen to me, you are the most drop dead gorgeous girl I've ever laid eyes on." A few tears fall down his cheeks. "I'm so incredibly lucky to have met you. I'm so grateful for you, not a second has gone by since we met where you haven't been on my mind. I'm crazy for you."

"You don't mean that." I say with little emotion. "How could you love someone like me?" I ask him. "What d'ya mean?" He asks, his voice cracking.

"Look at me Dom, how could anyone love me? Especially when I do this to myself." My voice quivering. "There's no way you love this, love me." I say before shutting my eyes.

I bring my shaking hand up to my face. Dom brings his hand to the side of my head, cupping my face. "Y/n, you need to listen to me." Dom begins speaking, his emotions flowing through his voice, I slowly open my eyes. "I completely understand how you're feeling. I've been there." He says pointing to his chest with his other hand. "Look." He says as he pulls away.

He pulls his hospital gown high up his thigh. Both of them have faint scars scratched across the tops. "I've been there. But then I found YUNGBLUD, and I found the Black Hearts Club, I found you." His face lighting up as he lightly shakes my face.

"You saved me," he finishes as I lock eyes with him. "and I'm going to save you.".

I smile at Dom. "I've never ever told anyone this," I start, "but you've already saved me." I see a sparkle in his eye. "I have?" His voice breaks. I nod softly as tears escape from my eyes. "Just after Zach broke up with me, that's when I started cutting." I swallow a lump in my throat. "It made me so ill, but it made me feel something. The day before I met you. I wrote a note, to my mum." I shut my eyes as the memories come back in full colour.

"Telling her how I felt, how I had no choice but to do what I was going to do next. She was so oblivious, she couldn't see what I was going through. She couldn't see how bad I was getting. And I went to the kitchen," Dom takes my hand in his and holds it tightly. "I grabbed the biggest knife we had. And I took it to the bathroom."

I pause for a moment. "Carry on" Dom whispers to me. I take a deep breath. "I put music on to drown out my cries. Loner came on. I sat in the shower and I just held this fucking knife in my hands. Just staring at it, staring at the reflection. I remember just sitting there with the music. I decided I didn't want to die to your song so I was going to wait for it to finish."

Dom rubs my hand softly, urging me to keep talking. "And right towards the end. I got a notification saying that you added to your story that you would be in London. That saved me Dom." My voice cracking as more tears fall.

"Me and Ella arranged to come. I put the knife away. Ripped the note apart. And moved on as if nothing happened. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you."

Dom doesn't reply, he just leans close to me and kisses me softly, gently wrapping his hands around me.

"And I'm so fucking grateful for that." I say as I wrap my arms around his warm body. "Not as much as me." He says with his face buried in my shoulder. We both cry gently to each other.

A/n, do you feel as though the trigger warnings regarding things such as sexual assault or self harm is necessary. I feel like it's important to warn people however it can ruin the story if you know something like that it going to happen later on in the chapter? Let me know