YUNGBLUD ~ A Wild Ride 🖤💕

72 ~ The Past Still Haunts Me

TRIGGER WARNING - MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS & A PANIC ATTACK

July 14th

"I miss him so much, he didn't deserve to die. He was the best fucking person." I sniffle as I cry against his chest. Dom pulls his hoodie sleeve to cover his hand and he gently wipes the tears from my face.

"No one deserves to die, but things have a funny way of working out. Even when you can't even think of a positive, there always is one, you've just got to look for it, I promise you that.", "Some people do deserve to die, the fucking dick that raped me deserves to fucking die, Zach deserves to die, so do -" Dom cuts me off, "Don't you dare fucking finish that sentence y/n." he holds me even tighter.

"It's true. I do deserve to die."

Doms PoV

Hearing y/n say that made my heart shatter. I can't bear to see her like this. I wanted to cry, I wanted to fucking sob, but I knew that would make it even worse.

I take a deep breath and try to fight the tears that are threatening to fall down my face.

I push her hair behind her ears and cup her face in my hands.

"y/n, I need you to listen to me okay?" she gives a sniffle as a response.

"Trust me, I know how you're feeling, I've been there-", "No you haven't Dom, that's it you don't know how I'm feeling, you have no idea."

"Baby,"

"Okay yeah, you've felt suicidal before and I'm not denying that, not at all, I never would. But you don't know how it feels it be abused in every way fucking possible by someone you thought loved you, 

or to be raped by a man double your age, to not be able to fucking move, not scream, not fight, not even resist, to just have to let it fucking happen, or to have to fight yourself to not fucking breakdown when someone touches you, to make yourself physically fucking sick because you don't know what else to fucking do, 

or for your mother to abandon you when you need her the most, to be left defenceless, to constantly feel like you're taking advantage, for the only person you felt safe with to die, and to not get a chance to grieve, 

to lose the only thing that was going well in your life, to have to sit in a fucking hospital, bleeding, screaming, crying, not knowing why you're losing your baby, to have everyone looking at you, not knowing what's happening. 

You don't know Dom, so please stop saying you do because you fucking don't, you don't even know half of it. I pretended like everything was fine, like it wasn't fucking killing me inside. I can't keep fucking living like this, it would all just be so much fucking easier if I died Dom."

I gave up trying to stop myself from crying, by this point tears are streaming down both of our faces.

y/n's whole body is shaking uncontrollably and I tighten the grip on her body to try and lessen her movements, keeping her head against my chest.

I don't know what I can possibly do in this situation.

I try to calm myself down as much as possible, the last thing I want is for me to have a panic attack right now, I know that will scare y/n and she doesn't need to be worrying about me.

Her heart is beating hard against my chest and she's starting to hyperventilate.

She collapses into a heap on the floor, still crying her eyes out. I sit on the floor and bring her onto my lap. I lean over her, using my body to cradle hers and I begin to gently rock back and forth.