YUNGBLUD ~ A Wild Ride 🖤💕

61 ~ The Silence

A/n, 2 updates in one day, who?? Anyway just letting you know that this is quite a short chapter but I like the way I've ended it 🖤

July 11, 2019

We spent the rest of yesterday moving what we had into our new house. There's not much right now but we went and bought a bed and a sofa which are getting delivered in a few days.

Everyone's just trying to keep me busy at the moment, to keep my mind off everything. It's working well and there's a lot for me to look forward to which is helping a lot.

But it's times like this, when Dom's asleep and it's silent. This is when my thoughts eat me alive. The knot in my stomach, just thinking about how easy it could've been to avoid this all happening.

The events of the last week and a half on a constant loop in my mind. What a fucking rollercoaster it's been.

I know Dom told me not to do this, and I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help it, this is all I've ever known.

"Wake me up okay?", "It's not good for you to be alone in your mind.", "It's too destructive keeping it all in.", "Don't bottle it up for too long.". Everything Dom's told me rings around my head.

I know I should wake him up, I just can't. I want to, but I can't. Just knowing he's there is so relieving to me. Zach got so fucking angry with me once when I woke him up because I was having a panic attack. I know Dom's different. Dom's sweet and caring. He's understanding and supportive.

I guess it's just difficult for me to trust again, after the way he treated me. The way he belittled me for my mental health. He always told me to "Just get over it." and to "Grow up and get on with it".

I know Dom's different, but my mind plays tricks on me. Making me think he'll lash out, scream at me, go back to sleep, treat me like shit just as I'm used to.

Maybe he's giving me a false sense of security? Maybe I should just leave and go back to Ella's? Maybe he's leading me on? Maybe he's doing this all for publicity? Helping a young girl in desperate need of help.

Fuck. Why am I like this?

I turn my head slowly to face Dom. He looks so cute when he's sleepy. This man could never do me wrong. But my mind overthinks yet again. Butterflies swarm my stomach, but are they just warning signs in disguise like last time?

Suddenly Dom's crystal green eyes flutter open as mine glaze over.

"Are you cold? Here." Dom says in his sleepy voice as he pulls the covers higher up, over my shoulders and pulls me close to him.

"Wh-what?" I barely manage to stutter out. "Baby, you're shivering, you must be freezing." I shake my head. "I - I'm - I'm not shivering." I say as my vision starts to blur.

"Y/n, I can literally feel you, that's why I woke up love. Let me get you a hoodie." He says softly as he moves to get up from the bed.

"No" I whimper holding him tighter. "Y/n, what's wrong? Please tell me." He says sweetly, moving my hair from my face.

I blink my eyes a couple of times as his face comes into focus, before quickly blurring again.

My breathing gets heavy and I continue to shake.

"Oh shit." Dom says softly. "Come here, that's it." He continues as he sits up slightly and pulls me onto him, leaning me on his chest.

"Everything's okay. You're safe now." He tries to stay calm whilst helping me.

"Y/n, breathe for me okay? Copy me." He says as he takes slow, deep breaths. I feel his chest rise and then fall again. I swallow a lump in my throat before trying to sync up our breathing.

Thankfully it doesn't take long for my breathing to regulate and for me to start to calm down slightly.

I kiss Dom suddenly, this must have taken him by surprise because his breathing pattern suddenly changes.

He gently kisses back, whispering "I love you so much." Into my ear.

I finally start to feel safe again. Not just safe in my surroundings, but safe with Dom, safe within myself, safe to love.

I think it might finally be safe for me to fall, and this time I truly believe it. I truly trust him, I know it won't take long for my anxiety to curate endless possibilities in my head that'll try to tell me to run. But he's right here now and I think he'll stay.

A/n, yes I included a few mentions from Finally//Beautiful Stranger and Graveyard by Halsey in this chapter. I absolutely love those songs and feel like they fit the storyline so well 🖤