run over - ruel vandijk

• i'm just me •

ruels pov:

i hold her hand as we walk home.
it took ages but we where both lost in our thoughts. it was really late and we she school tomorrow. y/n doesn't want to go because i won't be there since i got suspended but she promised me she'll go when i come back. i hope she does. i've missed her.

i arrive at her house and walk her up to her door. i smile at her and she blushes. i turn around to walk back to mine but y/n calls my name.

"hey! wait!"

i walk back up to her, "yeah?"

she kisses me. it was short but it was everything.

"cya around." she says then walks inside.

i'm left blushing on her doorstep.

* * *

i walk the rest of the way back to mine. i smile as i walk through the door and i see coco standing in front of me, arms crossed.

"where did you go?" she frowns.

"i kissed her." i blurt out. my cheeks go red.

her frown is instantly replaced with a smirk, "omg ruel! good on ya!"

i cringe, she's gonna tell the whole world now.

"you've like y/n for how fricken long...?" she scratches her head.

"...since i met her..." i add.

she smiles and pulls me into a hug, "my little ruelio, all grown up."

i stand there in her arms, and awkwardly pull away.

"um, i'm gonna head up stairs to my room now..." i say walking slowly away.

she winks, "okay."

i run up stairs and i grab out my notebook. i instantly write down lyrics for a song. they just flew threw my head so well. i grab my guitar and make a melody.

i lay on my bed starting at the roof. tomorrow, since i'm suspended, i'll go to the studio to get this song produced, maybe free time too. and the song i wrote for sam, unsaid. these are gonna make no sense to my fans but the real ones will know what's up. (sorry idk what that was)

if only she knew i loved her.
if only she knew i thought about her before i fell asleep.
if only she knew i get butterflies whenever she says hi to me or even when she just smiles at me.
if only she knew i smiled at my laptop or phone all the time when we're talking. i mean, how can she not see it.
she thinks she's just her, nothing extraordinary or special, just her.

but she's all that and a whole lot more.

y/n's pov:

As soon as i walk inside i immediately peek through the blinds to see ruel leave. he stands there stunned for a bit. did he not want me to kiss him?
oh no.
but then he starts smiling adorably and walks off.

i smile too as i walk up stairs and into my room. i flop on my bed and stair at the moon that was shining through my window.

sometimes the bravest thing you can do is love again.

i loved sam, he always had my love. he was the only one i loved. then ruel came along, and sam left, and ruel has my love now. and that's scary. i'm scared.

i'm scared i'm going to fall out of it or he will. that is if he even loves me.

i suddenly feel so empty. i want him in my arms. i want to tell him. tell him everything. but i don't know if it's fine. i don't know if it ever will.

i cry into my pillow like the little ugly depressed girl i am until i can't anymore. but it takes too long. so i stand up and pull my notebook out of my desk with tears flowing down.

i don't know what i'm writing but i manage to get an okay song.

i sigh and roll around on my bed trying to sleep. but one thing is just stuck on my mind, ruel.

why can't i just have a normal dream without him in it?
because you don't let yourself have other friends.
why can't i be happy?
because you don't deserve it.
why can't sam be back?
because you killed him.
why can't i have ruel?
because he doesn't love you.

it's true. he doesn't. who would love me?

i really can't picture anyone ever having a crush on me.
i can't picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep.
i can't picture anyone ever getting butterflies when i say hi to them, or even just smiled at them.
i can't picture someone smiling at there laptop or phone when we're talking. i mean, why would they even do that?
i'm just me. nothing extraordinary or special, just me.

a/n:

ah sorry this is so late! i've been super busy and never had time.
and i really thought i had already written the chapter but i didn't so that was great.
anyways tysm for 3k! 🥺