run over - ruel vandijk

• two choices •

*y/n's pov:*

i wake up in that dark cold room again, i'm in so much pain from frickin james, the loss of blood, the loneliness, the darkness... all of it conspires to pin me down. from a distance i can hear someone screaming—and then i realise it's me.

you have to get up, you have to run, you have to keep your promise to sam...

no, not sam, sam's dead. you left him behind, you stinking bag of regurgitated vomit.

damn it hurts. the pain of the wounds that bleed and the pain of the old wounds that still won't heal.

sam, with me in the dark.
i can see his hand reaching for me in the dark.
i'm here, sam. please, take my hand.
reaching for him in the dark.

*ruels pov:*

i stare out of the plane window, the worlds a little blurry, but maybe that's my eyes. i fidget with my phone case and look at my mum, sound asleep next to me. watching her stomach rise and fall, slowly. i kiss her on the head and get up to go to the bathroom.

* * *
time skip to ruel being back at his hOuse

i grab my bags from the boot and run inside, it was warm inside.
i walk up the stairs to my room and dump my bags on the floor.

i slump down on my bed and cover my face with my blanket.
i need to face it, i'll never see her again.
i can't describe the feeling of that.
never seeing her again.

but it makes me feel helpless, broken, in a way. i'm so broken that i can feel it. i mean, physically feel it. this is so much more than being sad now. this is affecting my whole body.

i roll over on my to face the cold plain wall, i stare at it for too long until i fall into a dream where i can't be broken.

*y/ns pov:*

sam pulls away and i'm alone again.

when the moment comes to stop running from your past, to look back and face the thing you thought you'd never face—the moment when your life stumbles between giving up and getting up—when that moment comes, and it always comes, here's what to do:
crawl.

i lift off the ground and hold my self up onto my hands and knees. i feel new bruises on my back and arms, they must've hit me again when i was out.

i stay very still as if the world stopped it's rotating just for me. i take a breath, but it hurts, it hurts so bad, everything does.

but i push it away, the pain can go away. it can come again another day.
i close my eyes—as if it does anything—and crawl.

left arm and left leg moving in sync, followed by the right, i'm going to explore this room.

i hadn't gone far when my knee lands in a nail sticking right up. i feel the nail sink deep into my knee. i cover my mouth so i don't scream. the blood trickles down my leg. tears escape my eyes as i whimper. i steady myself and even though i know i shouldn't do this, i pull my knee really hard out of the nail.

i scream in my mind and curse as i feel even more blood oozing out. i press onto the wound to stop the blood but it doesn't do anything. i tremble as i pull my shirt of leaving me just in my bra and try my best to wrap it around my knee. i can't see how i did but i couldn't feel any blood dripping.

the hairs on my arms pop up and i shiver. being in shorts and my bra doesn't help when you're practically in antartica.
i let out a sigh, i have to keep going. i get on my hands and knees again and crawl, extra careful for anymore nails.

i reach a wall and put out my hands to touch it. my hands feel cold on the brick wall, i slide them up searching to see if there's any nails but my heart skips a beat when i feel a curtain.

i pull it open quickly but no light shows. i place my hand on what i expect to be a window but there is just more blinds. i find the string and pull them up, strong daylight immediately fills the room, it bounces off the walls and shows me that i am in a long room.

i see myself in the reflection and i look like a mess. my eye is swollen and there's blood all over my face. i look down at my knee and what was my baby blue shirt, is now just dark red blood.

i ignore the state i'm in and try to see if there's a way i can open the window. the only way i can think of is to smash it, but that will make so much noise and i don't want to be beaten up again.

i give up, i'm never getting out of here alive. i pull myself up onto the windowsill, it hurt everything but i managed to do it. i close my eyes and lean against the cool window.

but as i lean against it, the window moves. i quickly lean off it and look at it. i push it again and it pops off, perfectly, without making any noise.

i could laugh, i could actually get out of here alive. holding myself up, i look down, it was almost a ten meter jump, i wouldn't make it. i sigh, why does the universe have to be against me all the damn time?

i hear another noise, the sound i would hear almost everyday when i was in here, someone's footsteps coming towards me.

i had two choices, 1: jump out of the window and risk dying. or 2: wait for whoever is coming to see me and most likely beat me until i'm dead.
either way, there's a chance of me dying.

i take a deep breath, i pick the first choice. i'm gonna risk dying of fall damage.

i close my eyes and struggle to bring my legs over the outside of the window.
i wait for a minute trying to remember why my life is so crap, why do i deserve this? why does this have to be me?

i look back at the door and see the handle turn, i don't hesitate, i close my eyes and hold my breath—the whole world does—i feel my body lift off the window, i'm falling.