run over - ruel vandijk

• designed to be alone •

y/ns pov:

i was lonely. no one had come in, except doctors and nurses checking on me and changing things and helping me walk and stuff but no one ever talked to me. no one really did anything. and when i asked questions they'd just give me short quick answers.

like hey, i'm sorry, but it's not my fault this happened to me. i didn't do this on purpose you know. don't get mad at me cause you gotta work harder.

they recently told me that family can come in. i just nodded and smiled. cause that's me, i just nod and smile.

i don't think anyone would understand. if i told someone what happened to me, people wouldn't believe me. it hurts to do anything the painkillers don't do anything. i can't cry. i literally can't. it hurts so much which makes me want to cry but i can't cause it hurts and it's just, ugh. why me?

why anyone really?
why does the world have to have such cruel people in it?
why do i have to feel so. alone?

i don't understand.
i don't think i ever will.

and then i think that maybe i was designed to be alone.
maybe this was want everyone wanted.
no one wanted me anyways.

* * *

ruels pov:

i sprint up the stairs. sweat dripping down from the stress. my legs burn with each step i take. but i will not stop running.

why does she have to be so far away?

i feel like i'm going to die. i feel like my body's just gonna give up right before i see her. i don't even know what i'm going to say to her.

i start to panic, what if she doesn't want to see me? what if she's forgotten me? what if she hates me for not saving her sooner? oh gosh.

i start to walk now. my legs are shaking, but not from all the running. i look at the numbers on the doors i walk past. 67, 68, 69, 70...

i sit down on a chair in front of door 70 and take a minute to register everything. tears roll off my cheeks and fall on my black pants. i look up at the roof closing my eyes and wish it was all over. wish she never got taken away. wish we were back at the beach. wish i was with her. with her but not like this.

i stand up slowly and sigh. it felt like i was dragging myself to her. i'm scared. scared of what she would think of me.
i close my eyes and walk to her door.

i reach out for the handle and pull it down gently. my heart races like a jackhammer and my breath gets heavy again.

* * *

y/no pov:

i hear someone come in and pretend to be asleep so i wouldn't have to do any walking tests or take more useless medication.

but the person didn't say anything to me. they didn't try to wake me up. i could just feel there presence lingering over me. i felt there eyes stinging at the back of my head.
maybe this was a test. or maybe they just wanted to wait for me to wake up. but they didn't move to the seats next to the bed. they just stood there.

then i heard them, they whispered my name.

the name i gave myself.
the name i've grown to hate.
the name that has been used against me so many times.
the name of the sad little girl at the end of the street.
the name of the girl with no parents.
the name of the girl that just wanted to feel loved.
the name of the girl who went missing.
my name.

then they started crying.

and i turn around to look at them. at him. at the boy i've been longing for ever since that day. at the boy who makes me feel happy. at the boy i would die for.

at the boy i love.

he stands there speechless, tears streaming down like a waterfall on a rainy day.
and i lie here, in pain. but it all seemed to vanish when i looked in his watery eyes.

"ruel..." i whisper.

then he breaks down sobbing. he falls on the floor and cries. he cries his heart out. he could cry a river and we'd drown together. and i realise that he feels the same way i did. that he missed me. that someone actually missed me. that someone cares for me.

and i cry too. the pain doesn't matter anymore. the pain is a long gone thing that i don't care about. ruels here now. and that's the only thing i care about.