Through My Eyes |PJM Fanfiction|

~57~

You're upset.

You're torn.

You're sad.

No, you're pissed.

All you can seem to muster is weakly putting one foot in front of the other as you make your way down the long corridor of the hallway, your care now out the window because of your obvious destroyed physique.

She...

She wants to die...

She wants to leave me here alone...

How can I possibly lean on anyone?...

Hobi?...he's a useless player most of the time...

Jimin....

You feel more tears well in your eyes and spill down your cheeks in a large stream, the salty droplets hitting the tops of your combat boots.

Jimin only really needs me for a lead...

What about when he gets his new walking stick?...

What will our relationship be then?...

Why am I even working then?

If I can't atone for what I've done...there's no point in anything anymore...

You finally make it to the glass sliding doors that open to the outside world as you step out into the cold night air, the rain beginning to pound into your hair and clothes the second you exit the building.

Here I am...

Getting rained on again..

I deserve this...

I deserve all of this..

Why can't I make enough?

Why can't I change the course fate has chosen for me?..

"Why does my life have to be so fucking miserable!"

You turn your head up and shout into the sky as rain bellows out of the clouds and soaks you entirely, your hands balling into fists as angry tears morph with the freezing cold water.

When will it all end?

When will I finally be able to feel a moment of peace?

When will I be able to stop this miserable feeling I've had since I was seventeen years old?

In a fit of heavy rage you turn and slam your fist against the brick wall of the hospital, your teeth grit so tight together you can hear them grinding in your ears.

When.

When will it stop.

When...

You don't notice the strange stares you get from onlookers as they all retreat under their umbrellas and avoid your very presence, blood from your knuckles now beginning to run down the wet white bricks.

I can't stop it.

No matter how hard I try.

No matter how much work I do.

I'll never be enough.

"I'll never be enough..."

Your voice is an exasperated whisper as you slowly lower yourself to the ground and drop the bag onto the sidewalk beside you, your arms moving forward and pulling your knees to your chest.