SALVATION BACK INTO ME...

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' Anyway I had to get you out of that house. So after your bruises had healed I called your father and told him he could have custody of you. I knew he would take you in no questions asked but he did want to know why I was giving him custody when I fought him on the same issue when we broke up. So I told him that my husband did not want to take care of somebody else's child. Which was true but he never asked me to take you back to your father. He just refused to give me money concerning anything that had to deal with you.'

' So you did choose your husband over your son.'

' Jabari I gave James custody so you would grow up in a safe environment.'

' Without a mother?. I needed a mother too. Did you even take a second to think how I would feel to be dropped off at a man's house I knew little off and never to see you again. Infact since you say you took me to my father because you loved me. Tell me why you never even once came to check on me and when you did make appointments you failed to show up.'

He held back tears as he recalled the disappointment he suffered every time she failed to come see him. He was young but he could not forget how much it hurt.

' I was getting there.... When I got home after dropping you he had somehow found out that I took you to your father, as expected he beat me up. Accused me of sleeping with James. I tried to come see you but he wouldn't let me leave the house alone. Once I tried to sneak out but he found me and beat me to a pulp. I eventually gave up trying and when I finally got the chance to sneak away from him you were a teenager.'

' That sounds like just another excuse to me.'

' It's not Jabari I swear I tried. You have to understand that when it came to you or James he would beat me and put me in hospital and I could not even sneak out from there because he made sure to stay with me for the duration of my stay in the hospital. I tried baby. I tried.'

' Well you did not try hard enough. Like you said. You had a lifestyle to maintain and you weren't just going to risk losing it all for a child you never even wanted.'

His words shocked her because she had never told him that he was unplanned. He figured his father told him that because he did not plan on having a child when she purposefully got pregnant but that was something she had to come clean to his father about.

' Jay-jay that's not true. I wanted you and I loved you. I still do. It's just that I-'

' You loved money more right. I knew coming here would just be a waste of time. You just keep trying to excuse your shameful behaviour.'

' That's not what I am trying to do baby. Please understand, he threatened to hurt you if I tried to see you Jay.'

' My name is Jabari. You'll never change Penelope. Bye!.'

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