FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Who's to say I'm not gonna drag you down?

Alyssa

A week passed me by without much of a notice to be honest. I only left the flat a handful of times; to get more of my things and talk to Kara, go to work and to buy more alcohol. I moved passed wine to straight vodka. I hid that from Matty though, he didn't need to truly see the downfall of my mental state.

I felt bad for him though, he probably didn't really think it would be this bad when he asked me to move into his spare room. I would take it back if I could to spare him the hassle but he smiled and went on as though it didn't phase him. He didn't comment on my late nights or the fact I barely left my bedroom. He didn't question the bags under my eyes or comment on the lack of eating I'd been doing. No. He just smiled worryingly and got on with his day.

Today was Friday and as far as I knew Matty was having a party tonight, nothing massive but enough to make it completely antisocial for me to just stay in my room the entire night. Work had been easy this week, no one seemed to question my quietness and due to me begging Matty not to tell Jamie what happened at the gig, no one knew exactly what had been plaguing my mind.

I walked into the flat with a solemn look upon my face, throwing my keys down on the table at the front door. To my surprise though George walked out of the kitchen with a beer in hand. "Hey." He smiled at me, I forced a grin to appear to keep up appearances. "You're home a bit early are you not?"

"Yeah, Jamie said to head on home since Matty is throwing this party tonight." I explained to George as I met him at the end of the hallway. "I need to prepare myself to socialize with a bunch of people I have no common interests with." He chuckled slightly and headed into the living room. I followed him and sat down on the opposite sofa.

"Ah, well at least you've been to a Healy party prior to being his roommate." He pointed out. "How is it living with him? I assume he's much the same as when I shared a flat with him."

"He's fine, keeps to himself and so do I." I shrugged. "I have a lot of work to do and he's hardly ever home."

"Yeah, that's always a plus. He never stops working so you basically feel like you're living alone anyway." He smiled. I could feel his eyes stare into the side of my head as I stared off into space. "You alright?" His question pulled me out of the daydream.

"Yeah, I'm great." I lied bitterly, the way he looked at me told me he didn't believe it but he didn't push it. I was grateful for that. I didn't need to have anymore pity, Matty would never look at me the same now he knows how deeply disturbed I am.

The front door opened and closed, indicating that Matty was home. He walked into the living room and glanced between George and I. "You're early." He stated as he pulled off his hoodie.

"Jamie told me to go home early to prepare for the extravaganza tonight." I pushed a smile.

"My man, he knows how to run a business." Matty smirked. "Well you can take it easy if you like, there's gonna be a lot of people here but you can stay in your room if you want. I will make sure it's off limits." He told me with a soft voice.

"I'll be fine, don't worry." George looked between us as if he wanted to know the sudden caution for me at the party. I didn't want him to know but I also felt bad that he was completely in the dark.

"Okay, well people will likely start to arrive around 8ish." Matty got up off the couch next to George and walked out. I took that as my cue to go to my room and cry for awhile before getting ready.

-

I smoothed out the red dress I'd settled on, it was a basic tight pencil dress that stopped at mid thigh and showed off the right amount of cleavage. A pang of disgust ran through me though, I looked disgusting and unappealing in the worst ways. I grabbed the bottle of vodka off my bedside table and took a huge gulp of the bitter alcohol. It burned down my throat but at this point I would do anything to numb the feeling in my guts.