FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

This could be dangerous for us, you do realise that?

Matty

I wanted to keep myself together for Alyssa's birthday party but it was hard. She moved into George's for the time being, she said it was only until things got a bit easier for us but I knew it was a lie. It was the easiest way for her to avoid all of this, which made me think the chances of us ever actually talking about this like adults and figuring out what we really wanted from each other, were slipping away as the days went by.

It truly did feel like I was alone again, which is a bit ironic when you think about it. I have so many people in many different ends of the world that would do anything to spend 5 minutes with me yet I feel the loneliest I've ever been in my life. George was always right, I fall too fast for my own good.

My days would consist of doing lines, promotions for the album, more lines and then lying in bed alone. I would wonder why I let myself get so low, it would plague my mind until I couldn't take it anymore and force myself to fall asleep to avoid it all.

The bitter thing about all of this is, Alyssa saw one aspect of my life and ran away. I get it in a weird way, she isn't one for being in the spotlight and being with someone like me makes it inevitable. Seeing my past chase me around can't be easy for anyone and I think deep down that's why I can't seem to keep a girlfriend. There's just too much to keep up with.

A part of me wanted to drown out the fact that Alyssa exists, that there was nothing I could do to get her back in my life. It was too late for that now, wasn't it?

I was standing outside George's front door, the music inside was deafening, I couldn't find the courage to swallow my pride and just go in because then I would have to see her, properly for the first time in over a week. The door swung open before I even got a chance to open it myself, Ross walked out with a fag hanging out of his mouth. "Aw mate, was wondering when you'd get here." He said with a grin.

"Sorry I lost track of time." I said with a shrug, it was a shit excuse but what else was I supposed to say? Of course I wasn't going to rush to come to a party that was thrown for my recent exes birthday.

"You've not missed much, Alyssa is smashed though." He nodded into the house.

"Good to know." I forced a smile. "Where you off to?"

"Ran out of booze, just jumping to the Tesco down the road to grab some more." He said slipping past me.

"Do you want me to come with?" I offered.

"Nah, you can't keep avoiding her." He gave me a stern look, he's right but it's not easy.

"Fair enough." I shrugged, he walked off down the stairs and left me standing there with much to think about. I can't avoid her forever, not that I want to. I want to see her, spend time with her and have her back in my life but it's going to be hard when all I can think about is how much I'm in love with her and it just doesn't seem to be going away.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the flat, there were less people than usual at our parties but I assume that's because Alyssa doesn't know as many people as us. The living room was packed though, the first face I saw was George, he had a fag hanging out his mouth as he danced to the music. He looked up and saw me, cheering loudly. "Matty!" He screamed, I felt myself cringe a little. I didn't want to draw any attention to me being here now, especially for Alyssa to see my arrival.

George staggered over to me, grinning as he did. "You're fucked." I pointed out.

"Me and Alyssa have been drinking since this afternoon mate, we're beyond gone." I chuckled and rolled my eyes.

"Never change Danes." I said.

"Right, Ross is away to get more booze so when he's back we're doing shots." He told me, as if I wasn't getting a say in it.