FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Aw, you're my disgrace though.

Alyssa

I hated Christmas, I always have. Ever since I was a little kid, which is weird to be honest. Most people love the holiday because they get to spend the time with their families, eating good food and sharing gifts. I didn't though, I remember the exact year that I lost the slight bit of hope that Christmas was somewhat good.

I was 11. My parents were fighting a lot, arguing over who was coming to our house for the holidays. They made it a nightmare for us. Liam was barely even aware of the occasion himself but he even felt the tension at the age of 3. He spent the whole week running up to Christmas crying. Rachel barely spoke to anyone either. It was like the whole family was ripped apart in the single week. When the day finally came though, my parents pretended like nothing had even happened, that's when I first saw how fake they were. How unhappy they truly were.

The conversation of what I was doing for Christmas this year was something I continued to avoid, no matter how many times it was brought up. I didn't want to celebrate this year, it was pointless. I hated it. That was until my mother called me and demanded that I come home this year, she gave me the biggest bullshit excuse that last year just didn't feel right because I didn't come home.

So now I'm stuck, in Brighton on the worst holiday of the year with my family that I pretty much hate at this point. Except my siblings of course. The sad thing is though, my aunts and uncles were just as fucking fake as my parents, so every single adult I was stuck with talked about their lives in such a way that made me feel sick.

I think if I never met the guys, specifically Matty then I wouldn't have really come to this full realisation. They were far from the perfect family that they tried so fucking hard to pretend they were. It was hard to go back though, after the surprise visit last month. My dad barely looked at me, the only thing he said in the first 3 hours of my arrival was, 'You still with that musician?'

Alas though, I was lying on my bed in my childhood room thinking about all the worst memories it held. It was like being back in hell, something I'd hoped so badly I'd finally escaped. My phone buzzed beside me, breaking me out of my thoughts. Matty's name flashed across the screen making me smile. At least I had him, maybe he was 300 miles away but I still felt closer to him than anyone else.

"Hey." I said softly as I pressed answer.

"Hello love, how's your Christmas Eve going?" He sounded drunk, which didn't shock me.

"Well I've only been here for about half a day and I already want to drown myself in the sea." I sighed. "What about you?"

"I'm sorry you're stuck there." His tone was sympathetic. "Mines has been alright, mum keeps feeding me wine and way too many snacks." He chuckled.

"Sounds like a dream." I smiled even though he couldn't see it.

"I wish you were here." He said softly, it made my heart sink. He did ask me if I wanted to go to Manchester and I really wanted to but I also didn't want to cause anymore friction between my family and I.

"I honestly wish I was there too." I sighed.

"I'm going to give you the biggest kiss when I see you, you know that." His drunken voice told me, I chuckled in response.

"Well I'd hope so." I replied. There was some rustling on the other end.

"Mum, I'm on the phone to Alyssa, give me a minute." Matty's voice sounded distant for a second. "Sorry, mum says hi."

"Tell Denise I said hi back and Merry Christmas." I laughed.

"This is also a bit of a nightmare, she's just running around panicking about Christmas tomorrow." I could feel him rolling his eyes over the phone, it was kinda cute.