FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

I haven't been there for you and God knows you need it just as much.

Matty

I just wanted things to be normal again but it's also hard to say what normal is for us. Ever since the London show Alyssa had been a bit off with everyone, it spiked again after we went to Brighton. It makes sense though because seeing her dad probably resurfaced a lot of trauma from growing up. Something about the whole situation struck me as odd, there was definitely more to the story than she was telling me but I didn't want to push her beyond her limits, she would open up completely in her own time.

And to be honest, I was shitting myself a bit for going home to Manchester. As much as I love that place, I felt like there was going to be some form of drama. Too many people from my past would be there, some that would surely make it difficult to avoid awkward conversations.

I was sat on the couch on the bus, Alyssa walked past me and went over to our bunk and climbed in. There was a slight crack in the door so I could still see her as she stared up at the ceiling of the bunk. I wonder what she's thinking?

"You alright mate?" George asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah." I nodded, tearing my eyes from Alyssa. "Things have just been a bit weird the past few days." I mumbled in a low voice, I didn't want her to over hear us talking.

"There's been a weird tension in the air, I don't really understand it so I didn't want to bring attention to it." He matched my quietness.

"I think she's found it difficult seeing Lax and her family." I said, rubbing a hand over my face. It was becoming exhausting trying to keep up appearances, fighting the demons in the back of my head and making sure Alyssa didn't let the pressure get too much.

"I know what you mean." George nodded. "Do you think she'll be okay?"

"I don't know honestly, she's been through a lot more than I think any of us really first thought." I sighed. "It's hard for me to work out how to handle it."

"It's a lot of pressure on a new relationship." He said softly. "But I think you can handle it, if any of us could it would definitely be you Matty."

"Why do you think that?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"You've been through a lot more than us, you seem to keep yourself together despite it all." George gave me a sympathetic look. I wouldn't say I've been through a lot, it's a bit self absorbed to think so but I know where he's coming from. Out of everyone George knows the deepest parts of my spiraling mental health.

"It's just becoming increasingly hard for me to ignore these voices in my head, all the while she's doing the same in her own way." I closed my eyes, letting out a deep breath. "But I think you're right George, I need to get over it and focus on her for a bit because she needs someone to show her that the world isn't completely full of shit."

"You really care about her, don't you?" I looked at him and he had a soft smile on his lips.

"I do." I nodded. "I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about someone so quickly in my life."

"It's nice to see you throw yourself into something that isn't so self destructive." George said. I glanced over at Alyssa again, she had her eyes closed and it looked like she was crying. It ached my heart to see her so broken. I frowned at her but she wouldn't see it.

"I'm gonna go check on her." I told George, standing up off the couch. I gave him one last look before walking towards the bunks.

I slowly made my way over to her but she still hadn't even noticed me coming in. When I got to the bunk I stood there for a second and her eyes fluttered open, they were filled with tears. "Hey." She mumbled, sniffling a little.