FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Why do you like looking at stars so much?

Alyssa

Mason's text threw me off everything I'd been experiencing recently. It was hard for me to ignore it though, as much as I know I should I just can't. I didn't want to let him back into my life but he was my first love and I truly thought I would be with him for the rest of my life. He gave me hope in a future that didn't end with me in an early grave.

It took me 2 days to reply though, mainly because I was busy with work and trying to diffuse the situation with Matty. I didn't want to lose his friendship or have to move out so quickly, so I did what I do best and acted like nothing even happened. At first he didn't seem to be down with that, he brought it up again awkwardly the next day. What could I say though? It was clearly a moment of adrenaline and lust that we got caught up in.

I agreed to meet up with Mason and let him explain himself fully. When we broke up I just cut him off and left for London. There was no real closure or discussions of why he did it. I didn't allow myself that, which is why I decided to let him have his time to explain.

The cafe I was currently sat in on the gloomy looking Saturday morning was cute, it reminded me of something you'd see in Eastenders in the 90's. My leg nervously bounced up and down on the spot. Every time to door opened up I would look to see if it was him and with every person that walked through the door that wasn't him, I grew more nervous.

"Is this seat taken?" His voice filled up the space around me. I looked up at him and shook my head, unable to form words just yet. He sat down across from me and smiled. I still couldn't quite put into words exactly what I was feeling just yet.

"Hello." I finally managed to say.

"Hey." He returned. The silence now surrounded us, making me feel even more anxious. It had been 3 years since I last seen him and I never really thought I would ever see or hear from him again. "I just want to say thank you for meeting up with me, I truly appreciate it."

"What do you expect from this Mason?" I asked, clasping my hands on the table.

"I just need to explain myself." He said honestly. "I didn't want things to go the way they did and I'm truly so fucking sorry it did."

"Why did you even ask me to marry you if you were just going to cheat on me?" I went in for the big one.

"I didn't intend to cheat on you, I was freaking out a little. I didn't think things were going to work out and I hit the destruct button myself. It was a drunken mistake that literally ruined my entire life." He frowned. I didn't want to feel sorry for him because this was his doing.

"Okay, so you got drunk and cheated. That's it? There's nothing more to it?" I asked.

"It wasn't intentional and I wouldn't have told you if it was something I had planned or actually wanted. Like I said I just got so fucking scared and that night I was so drunk I couldn't even fully understand exactly what I was doing." He told me. I could see from the look in his eyes that he wasn't lying, he couldn't lie. That's the only reason I knew what he did in the end because he just can't lie.

"So do you think you can just walk back into my life 3 years later and expect everything to go back to normal?" I asked.

"No, of course not. I just thought you should know the truth and for us both to move on with our lives. I don't want you to ever think it was anything you did that ended our relationship." He said, a sad look on his face. "You were nothing but perfect to me and I was the only reason it got fucked up in the end."

"I know that though, even if I wasn't the best in a relationship I still don't think cheating on me would be what I deserve." I explained to him. "I just don't understand why you waited all this time to tell me this."