FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

I feel like if I disagree here you're going to have a fit.

Matty

When the ambulance arrived at Ross's flat, both George and I jumped to our feet to let them get to Alyssa. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her lifeless body as she lay on the ground. This was all my fault, everything is my fucking fault.

The paramedics begun working on her, checking for a pulse. George did all the talking since he seemed to be a lot more coherent than I was. I couldn't bring myself to speak. "No pulse." One said. It felt like my breathing was being restricted, I couldn't seem to hold a breath to save myself.

"Her breathing is shallow but it's not improving." The other said. I looked at George with pain in my eyes. This was a nightmare, just a stupid dream I was going to wake up from at any moment now.

"George, the sniff." I whispered to him. He looked at me and nodded towards his pocket, indicating that he had the rest of it on him.

"She's getting weaker, we need to get her to the hospital now." One of the paramedics said. I didn't know what to fucking do, the whole thing was scaring the life out of me.

We had to get an Uber to the hospital because they wouldn't let any of us go in the ambulance with her, I don't understand why though. George came with me but thankfully the police didn't get called out or we'd all have been in the shit.

The drive was sending me into a full state of shock, what the fuck was going to happen to Alyssa? Was she going to be okay? I don't think I could live with myself if she died because of this.

"It's gonna be okay, she's going to be okay." George tried to reassure me.

"But what if she's not?" I snapped. "It's my fucking fault, I shouldn't have let her take so fucking much." I felt the blood in my veins boil.

"How do you fucking think I feel Matty? I gave her the drugs." He spat back at me.

"This isn't right." I shook my head.

"We need to keep our shit together, she needs us to stay hopeful and take care of her when this is over." George lowered his voice. "I won't be able to live with myself if this is how she dies."

"I can't lose her, I just can't" My voice was wobbly due to me being on the verge of tears again. "I don't think I'll be able to deal with it if I do."

"I know." George looked away, masking the fact he was now crying. And that's what set me off. If my best fucking friend that I've only ever seen cry 3 times in my life, is now breaking down. There was no hope for me, the most sensitive soul in London right now.

The Uber arrived at the hospital and we got out, both bolting into the A&E entrance. I got to the desk first. "Alyssa Stevens, where is she?" I blurted out a little too obnoxiously. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude." I mentally slapped myself.

"She's being treated right now, take a seat and we will keep you updated." The receptionist said politely. It made me feel much worse for barging in so rudely.

"Thank you so much." I forced a smile, it was painful. I shouldn't be smiling right now.

We walked over to the waiting room chairs and sat down, my leg was bouncing nervously as we sat there in silence. This wait was going to be the death of me.

-

"Mr Healy." A voice brought me out of my thoughts, I looked up to see a nurse standing at the doors of the triage area. I shot up to my feet and ran over to her.

"Yes, that's me." George followed in tow.

"Alyssa is awake now, you can go in." She nodded for me to follow her, we both did though.