FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

I'm making you have fun, that's what.

Alyssa

"Alyssa you do realise that you've just taken like 3 massive steps back in this whole situation?" Nessa said sternly, watching me like a hawk.

"You don't think I know that?" I groaned loudly, throwing my head in my hands. "I'm an idiot, a fucking idiot."

"I wouldn't say you're an idiot but you're not the brightest." She tried to sound helpful but in reality, her softening the blow for me wasn't the answer. I needed to be reminded that my actions were stupid and I shouldn't do it again.

"I shouldn't have gone round there, I should have just called him and given him a shit storm over the phone." I looked up at her. "It's all my own, stupid fault."

"Look Alyssa, we all do it at some point." She gave me a reassuring smile. "When there's real feelings involved, it's hard not to go back at some point."

"But it's just really scary to think how easily he turned me from wanting to rip his throat out to shagging him in the space of ten minutes." I exclaimed.

"Men have some weird powers over your emotions, this is why they ain't worth shit." She chucked. "Well most of them anyway."

"We get it, George is an angel." I rolled my eyes at her.

"All I'm saying is, you let your guard down and now you understand why it wasn't the best idea." She pointed out. I didn't know how to feel after it happened. The only thing I could do was just run as soon as I woke up. "If it didn't really mean much to you then you know that you're on the right track and will be able to move on from him soon."

"I don't know how I feel honestly." I frowned. "He broke up with me then pulled this shit?"

"Like I said, men are weird and have no idea what they're doing but we somehow always go back to them no matter how fucked up they are." She smiled. "Do you still want to be with him?"

"I'm not sure." I mumbled.

"Then maybe work that out before you beat yourself into the ground for one little mistake." She said.

Maybe Nessa is right, I should work out what I want before I continue to beat myself up about it. He was the one who initiated it all, he kissed me first. I do regret telling him I hated him though because it's the furthest from how I feel.

It's just hard to really put into words how I really do feel and the song he wrote about me hurt. Could I really forgive him for it?

"We need to get our shit together to catch this flight." I sighed, looking at her with tired eyes.

"Yeah, I can't really be arsed getting a flight to New York today but I promised George I would stick it out on the tour for a week." She made a face at the idea of having to travel in America on a tour bus.

"It's not all that bad, although I've only done it in the UK." I gave her a thoughtful look.

"Yeah but the difference is you're getting paid to do this, all I'm getting is a week with sweaty drunk guys on a bus." She laughed.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad." I tried to reassure her but it fell flat because the reality is, I have to do it for longer and while living on the same bus with my ex. Which wouldn't be half as bad if the last time I saw him before he left for the start of the tour was to call him out for being a dick to me, only to end up in his bed.

"You're a terrible liar, you know that right." She shook her head laughing.

"Yeah, I know." I laughed too.

-

I don't know what's worse, flying 6 hours across the Atlantic with a child behind me kicking my chair every five minutes or realising I had to spend 3 weeks travelling around America with my ex-boyfriend.