FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Well it's not exactly the picturesque scene you wanted.

Matty

Camping when you're a teenager is a lot different than when you're 26, mostly because you don't care where you end up sleeping due to being so fucked up. There hasn't been many moments in my life so far that have made me think about how I'm getting older but waking up on the ground of a forest in the middle of summer really hit me differently at the age of 26. My back was aching.

The only upside to it all was the fact I was waking up next to Alyssa but she was still knocked out, I couldn't help but watch her as she peacefully slept beside me. It didn't really hit me at first just how lucky I am that I somehow got her back after I foolishly pushed her away. What was I thinking? It was the worst decision I ever made because look at us now? Yeah we had an argument yesterday but that's apart of being in a relationship.

Why did I ever think that breaking up with Alyssa would make anything better in either of our lives? In reality it only showed us both how much we appreciated and needed each other. It could be a cynical way to think about it all but my life fell apart in the months we weren't together. I took too many drugs and drank myself to sleep most nights. Some of it out of guilt for lying but also because I knew that I broke her heart.

George would bring her up in passing conversations, talking about her struggles a little but he would never fully tell me just how bad it was. I was always left in the dark. It led me to stalk her social media on a daily basis, hoping to find something that would give me any indication that her life was improving without me. A part of me didn't want her to be happy without me, my ego and love for her kept that thought alive and well. On the other hand if she was happy then I knew it would solidify the decision to end things. But I never found evidence of either, it was like she put up a front online.

Now don't get me wrong here, don't we all pretend to happier online than we truly are? If I didn't have the level of followers that I do now, I would definitely be more active in showing off my fake happiness. It's harder when you have thousands of people watching your every move though, so I only post snippets of my life and keep it related to the band, give the fans what they want so to speak. In the end though, all I ever seemed to see on Alyssa's Instagram and Twitter was basic selfies, pictures with friends and books that she would recommend people to read.

It would only fuel my need to know more though. I just wanted to be inside her head sometimes, to know what she was thinking, to see what she sees. Why did she care about me after everything I put her through? Why was I so special to her? Did she really love me or the idea of me? These were the questions I would ask myself daily, until it all became clear to me that day on the beach in California. There are no answers to those questions that would justify the fact that she just did. She just did love me. She does love me. And no matter how much I question it myself, I can't stop her feeling the way she does. I just have to accept it and be grateful that she didn't lose her love for me.

Alyssa begun to stir next to me, a soft groan escaped her lips causing me to look over to her again. "What time is it?" She mumbled, not even opening her eyes yet.

"How did you even know I'm awake?" I asked her with a soft chuckle.

"You've been fidgeting with the blankets for the last five minutes which is a massive giveaway." She opened her sleepy eyes and looked at me. A look of pain shot across her face and she closed her eyes again, pulling the blanket over her head.

"So the hangover begins." I laughed. "It's 11am." I confirmed for her.

"Fuck sake." She groaned dramatically, I slid under the blanket and faced her. "I don't wanna get up yet."

"You don't have to." I whispered. She opened her eyes and looked at me with a pout.

"But I don't want to waste the day by sleeping." She whined.