FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Do you ever think about how you're going to die?

Matty

There was a moment that I thought for sure that things were falling back into place, I was so sure of it but I went ahead and said something to scare her off. Maybe I'm in too deep thinking all of this was going to work out the way I wanted it to but I had to try, if I didn't then I would regret it. The second the words left my mouth and I saw the look on her face I wanted to back track off the edge of a cliff. She asked me if I knew where she really was after the Big Weekend after party. I replied that she was shagging Oli Sykes with a sarcastic laugh, she didn't like how I sounded. Probably because I was really bitter about it but the thing that got me was her telling me that we're not together anymore and it isn't my place to have an opinion on the fact she could be seeing other people.

And you see that's where I let myself turn into my signature, dickhead status. She was right though, it kinda isn't my place to comment on but at the same time it still hurts. That's when she started to take advantage of the fact that she knew it made me jealous. So any night we went out to a club, she would find someone and hook up with them. And with every single guy she disappeared with, my hopes of getting her back dwindled.

It didn't make me love her any less though, it just made me want her back more. I think that's the most bitter part of it all. She really was moving on and I was sat there, watching it. This isn't like me though, usually I would be off doing the same thing. That's how I know she's really made herself at home within me because no matter how many women come my way, I don't want anything to do with them. I want her.

Which now brings me to the predicament that I was currently in, now that Alyssa's distracting herself from me in anyway she can it left me to turn to the only thing that seems to dull the pain for a little. A new friend of mine that's come into my life recently is opioids. A nice little mix of heroin and the high from taking too many pain meds. It's kinda ironic in a way, I wasn't physically in pain but emotionally. I sound so pathetic for it all but what's the point in trying to hide it anymore.

"You look rough today." George grimaced at the look of me. I flipped him off as I fell down onto the couch on the bus.

"Well some of us have to live with their ex right now and try not to let it bother them so much that it ruins their work." I said bitterly, looking up at him with a glare.

"Still on that record? It's been two weeks now and you're just letting it get to you too much now." He rolled his eyes at how dramatic I was being.

"You've never had to do this George, have a little bit of sympathy." I groaned.

"I did for awhile but whatever you're doing isn't working clearly since she's on a mission to shag half of America, what did you do to cause her to start that bullshit?" George sat down across from me.

"I kinda brought up the Oli thing, which pissed her off so now I'm in the bad books again." I sighed. "But what can I do? I've been trying to fix this and get her back. It just isn't working."

"I think you're going about it the wrong way, if I'm being completely honest." He said.

"How do you know that? What exactly should I be doing?" I asked eagerly. Maybe George would give me an idea on how to mend this relationship a little better than my own attempts.

"Well for a start, acting like none of it happened is the worst thing you can do. It just shows that you're not learning from the past." He pointed out. "And secondly, maybe try actually talking to her about how you feel and then maybe she'll do the same."

"I've been trying to but then I open my big gob and say something that upsets her so what's the point." I huffed.

"It's almost impossible trying to get you to be a decent human being sometimes." I gave him an offended look.