FOREVER, YOURS // Matty Healy.

Do you believe in God, Matty?

Matty

It's days like this that I wonder whether I'm truly doing the right things in life. I want to believe I've made the correct choices so far but when I'm constantly reminded of the bad in my life it becomes harder to face the reality. I really shouldn't be doing the amount of drugs I do on the sly but when it helps to numb the pain in my chest, what else am I supposed to do?

I never really felt like I truly belong anywhere and everyone is just putting up with me for the sake of it or because they didn't really know how to say enough is enough. If only someone could see the mess within me, then maybe I wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe that's why I felt such an attachment to Alyssa so quickly. She's just as lost as I am.

Watching her go from a bubbly, over confident women to a broken shell of a human in the space of a week brought me some form of solace. Not in a bad way and maybe it's selfish of me to say it in such a way but I don't feel as alone in this fucked up world because of her. She kept so much to herself but the small glimpses of her truth would spill out into the open and it was refreshing.

"Are you going to work on music today?" She spoke up, looking up from the book she was currently reading.

"I think so." I mumbled, placing my spoon into the bowl of cereal that I was eating. She smiled and nodded, looking back down at the words that sprawled out on the pages. We were sat at the breakfast bar across from each other. The first time we'd actually spent any time together in a few days, even if it was sitting in silence. The company was nice.

"Can I hear something sometime?" She asked without looking up, I stared at her questioningly. She was always so curious.

"I don't really show my work until I'm happy with it." I told her. She looked up with an eyebrow raised.

"I work for your label remember, think of it as work related." She pursed her lips together, one elbow on the counter with her hand on her neck, holding her head up.

"In a way, you're right but it's hard to lay my soul so bare to someone so new." I mumbled. She rolled her eyes at me.

"You asked me to move into your flat after knowing me for 2 weeks Matty, but showing me a song or two is out of bounds?" Her lips turned up slightly.

"I'll think about it." I gave her that, hopefully she will take it and move on. She nodded and looked back down at the book again. Her eyes danced over the words. I took another mouthful of my cereal, enjoying the simple taste.

"Do you believe in God, Matty?" She asked, looking up again.

"No." I said bluntly. Her eyes lit up slightly.

"Why not?" She pushed the question further.

"If God was real then why the fuck is the world so shit?" I replied. "Do you believe in God, Alyssa?" I returned the question, a smirk spread across her face.

"Nah, why believe in God when I've never felt peace in the idea of heaven." Her smile faded slightly.

"Heaven sounds boring." I shrugged.

"What's your idea of heaven then?" She asked.

"When we play shows and you can just hear the crowd singing along to the songs we wrote, that is a feeling that no God could create. That was us." I told her. She leaned her chin on her hand and watched me, intrigued.

"I want to see you guys play." She smiled.

"I don't know if that's possible, our shows sell out pretty quickly." I joked.

"Ah, so I get into other shows no problem but The 1975 is a whole different story I guess." She said sarcastically. I couldn't help but chuckle at her tone of voice.