The Tattoo on my Heart

34. We don't blame you!!

"When are you people leaving for Daegu?" Ju asked as they waited in the station for the train to arrive. "We didn't decide that yet" Namjoon said, holding Taehyung's hand while Seokjin and Jungkook stood beside them. Yoongi and Jimin couldn't make it as they had guests. 

"Come by tomorrow evening. You can leave by day after tomorrow evening"
"Yeah, that sounds better. What do you think, Tae?" 
"I wanna be here too. Let's leave right after it is done" Tae mumbled. 

"Oh! Okay, let's do that. Is that fine, Ju?"
"Yeah, perfect. Right, the train's here. Bye, see you tomorrow! Bye, Jin and Jungkook" she said, before getting into the train and going back to Daegu.

"Why are you going to Daegu??" Jungkook asked as they walked back to their flat. The station was quite close to their flat, so they walked back home instead of taking a cab. 

Namjoon gave Seokjin a 'we-need-to-tell-him-now' look. Seokjin nodded. "We will tell you after going back home, Kookie" he said. 

Jungkook could sense the tension in the air. He couldn't help but feel that whatever it was that they were going to tell him, it was going to land him in despair. 

"Kook, relax. Why are you sweating soo much? It's fine" Taehyung said, feeling his boyfriend's sweaty palms. Seokjin turned back to see his cousin completely spaced out while walking. He got worried that he might work himself into another attack. 

"Joon, you take Tae" Seokjin said and took Jungkook's hand. Namjoon started walking with Taehyung. 

"Kook, chill!! Why are you getting tensed? There is nothing to be scared of! It's two days away. Relax, baby!" Seokjin said. 

Jungkook's eyes widened, realizing how close the date was. 

"H-Hyung, no!!......P-Please.....I-I-....I...a-am not going there" Jungkook started crying, holding on to Seokjin's arm desperately with both of his hands. 

"Kookie, please! Stop it. Don't think about that now. Let's go home and talk about it" Seokjin said. He could feel him trembling as he put an arm around him. 

They settled in the living room while Seokjin went into the room to get the younger's inhaler. He knew that the situation might lead to anything. 

He prayed that the younger wouldn't work himself into an attack, but this really was a sensitive topic for him. He came back and sat next to Jungkook, draping an arm around him and making himself comfortable before signaling Namjoon to start.

"Jungkook, before I start, I want you to remember that we don't blame you in any way, okay? Relax! We love you and will keep loving you no matter what. So don't work yourself up about what I am going to say, okay?" he said, looking straight into Jungkook's eyes, which were starting to get teary again. 

Namjoon took Taehyung's hand for support and continued. 

"I will get straight to the point, Kook. When that accident happened two years ago, I couldn't attend the funeral because the person in the other car was our father. Relax, relax!! I don't blame you.

 To be honest, I did blame your dad for getting shit drunk on a rainy day and driving despite being drunk. But later, when I came to know why he was drunk, I stopped blaming him" he said slowly so that he could give Jungkook some time to process this.

"T-That's w-why you l-looked familiar..... y-you look l-like your d-dad" Jungkook stuttered, his voice breaking horribly by the end. "Then w-what about T-Tae?" he asked.

"I was there in the car too. Our dad died on the spot, but they took me to the hospital and treated me before it was too late" Taehyung said, getting up and walking to the other couch. 

He felt over the couch to know where his boyfriend was and sat beside him, pulling him into a hug. 

Jungkook sobbed into Taehyung's neck. "It w-was all m-my fault.....I shouldn't have asked m-my dad to p-play that stupid p-prank on my m-mum.........f-fo-four people are gone a-and y-you lost y-your sight, and it is all b-because of m-me" he sobbed, ignoring Taehyung's attempts to shush him. 

"How cruel can the world get? How can this happen to me? It affected soo many people, and it is all my fault!!" he cried. 

"Kookie, have you heard of the ripple effect? If you throw a small pebble into the pond, it is bound to create ripples. But no one is blaming you for those ripples, baby. Chill! It's alright! We can't do anything. 

If we are going to blame ourselves, I can blame myself too. Namjoon hyung can blame himself too, which he has been doing for the past two years! If I hadn't been too lazy to walk home that day, I wouldn't have called Namjoon hyung to pick me up. 

If he didn't go to that date, he wouldn't have asked me to call our dad. If I hadn't called our dad, we wouldn't have been going on that road. No one would have died. 

These are all small pebbles, Kookie. We can't blame ourselves for the huge effect just because of these small pebbles. So please stop thinking that this is all your fault. Namjoon hyung, you too" Taehyung said, rubbing Jungkook's back.

Namjoon nodded his head dumbly despite knowing that his brother had no way to know that he had nodded. 

"We are going to Daegu to visit our dad's grave, Kookie. I promise I will be back before lunch. If you want, I will come with you to the grave" Taehyung said. 

Jungkook nodded and went into his room and locked himself up. 

"Give him some time. He will be fine" Seokjin said, his voice heavy with helplessness and sorrow. 

This was a very serious time. He remembered how tense it was the last year when he dragged Jungkook to the grave. 

His breakdown was heartbreaking. He hoped it wouldn't be that bad this time.