The Tattoo on my Heart

44. Christmas

"When are we gonna go to the hospital?" Taehyung asked over breakfast.

Seokjin choked on his food while Namjoon flinched at the question. Seokjin glared at Namjoon, ready to smack him across the face for being soo irresponsible. 

There were three days left for December 15th and Namjoon still hadn't told his brother about the postponement. 

Every single time he prepared himself to break it to his brother, he chickened out in the last moment. 

Every single time, the guilt deposited deeper and heavier in his heart, and all of it burst out once his brother asked the question.

"Tae, about that......" he started. Taehyung tensed up, but didn't say anything. Something was wrong. 

"Ju called me yesterday. She said it got postponed" he said, looking at Seokjin guiltily and silently apologizing for lying. 

Seokjin looked close to killing someone. Jungkook sat frozen at the table, knuckles going white with every passing second. 

"I am sorry for not telling you immediately. I couldn't bring myself to do it, Tae" Namjoon said, reaching across to squeeze Taehyung's hand.

Taehyung jerked his hand back the second he felt his brother's hand on his. He got up harshly, face absolutely emotionless, and left the kitchen, stumbling over a chair in the process. 

They heard him stumble over a lot more things, but they didn't have the dare to go and check on him.

At some point, Taehyung realized that he didn't know where exactly he was standing. 

He had been too desperate to get out of the kitchen and had been too lost in his thoughts to care about where he was going, and now he didn't know where he was anymore. 

Jungkook was too lost in his thoughts to keep up with his surroundings. The moment he realized that Taehyung wasn't there anymore, he ran after him and hugged him tightly. 

"It's okay, baby. We will get through it. Don't worry" he said. 

Taehyung didn't return the hug. "Can you take me to my room?" he whispered. "I-I don't know w-where-" "Shh, don't cry. It's okay, it's okay, shhh" Jungkook whispered and led him to his room. 

............................

Christmas morning...

"Taeeee" Seokjin whined. Taehyung didn't reply. He simply waited for him to finish telling him what he wanted. 

"Help me with the breakfast. Give me some company" Seokjin said, dragging him into the kitchen and sitting him on the chair. 

He began to chatter about the parlour and their work and a few absurd customers. Taehyung simply hummed and said a few 'oh's in between.

That was how it had been ever since Taehyung came to know that his surgery was cancelled. They tried their best to get him to talk, but it was always cut short. 

He didn't show enthusiasm in any of the things that they made him do. He wasn't mad at them. He just felt dejected and hollow. 

He had counted a lot on the surgery. 

He hated having to depend on someone for every small thing that he had to do. He hated that he had to wait a few more months, or maybe years, before he became independent again.

He didn't want to show his weakness in front of them. So he held it in. He bottled it up until that night, when it became too much for him. 

They were sitting in the living room, unwrapping their gifts. Yoongi and Jimin were enjoying their honeymoon, so it was only the four of them. 

Taehyung silently unwrapped his gifts while the other three tried to be as lively as possible, trying to get him to respond to them. 

Taehyung picked up a small box when Jungkook suddenly tapped his arm. "That's from me, babe" he said. 

Taehyung nodded as he opened the wrapping around it. He felt around the box and let out a small gasp when he felt the Gucci symbol on it. He opened the box and pulled out the watch that was present inside it.

He felt every single inch of the watch over and over again. Jungkook's heart broke into pieces as he watched his boyfriend feel the watch with tears silently running down his face. 

"Jungkook" Taehyung croaked, his voice breaking horribly. Jungkook rubbed his arm as a silent show of affection and support. "I want to see this...." Taehyung said, his voice still breaking and his tears running faster. The room fell silent and the tension grew.

"I-I wanted to see the cake......I wanted to see all of my gifts at least....at least this year.....I wanted to see the tree......I wanted to see you guys......m-my birthday......I wanted to look at my friends and celebrate my birthday.......I don't wanna be like this anymore....I hate being like this.......I-I hate being dependent on someone for every single thing......I hate that I don't know how you look like.......I hate that I still can't be independent.......I am very sorry for being soo rude to you guys....I am sorry, but I hate my life.....I hate myself, I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry" he started sobbing, his cries growing louder.

"Shhh, shh, shh, shh, I'm here. It's okay, it will be fine soon" Namjoon ran to his brother and hugged him and let him let his sorrow out. He knew how his brother felt. He knew his brother's pain. 

"Everything will be alright soon, okay? Now shhh, shh" he tried comforting Taehyung, who was still sobbing loudly into his shoulder. Seokjin looked at Jungkook, who was crying silently, watching his boyfriend's pain.

"Let's sleep together tonight, okay? Shh, baby, it will be fine" Namjoon said and lifted Taehyung. He mouthed a 'good night' to the other two and left with Taehyung, who was still sobbing. He locked the door behind him and took him to the bedroom.

They soon fell asleep with Taehyung's face buried into his brother's chest and Namjoon's arms around Taehyung.