resurrect | h.s

part thirty three

i have a feeling y'all are gonna like this chapter...

Lydia White

I hate seeing him so broken. He was lied to. It hurt him. And it's hurting me all the same.

He's been trying to hide it for the past couple of days, busying himself with tasks like rearranging the bedroom, figuring out how to use the carseat he bought, or planning out a nursery.

Today, he came to me with a blueprint for said nursery.

"What do you think of this?" he said as he held the paper between us. "We'll paint the walls pink or blue once we find out the gender, and we-"

"Harry." I interrupt, grabbing the paper from his hand and setting it down on the kitchen counter. He arches his brow.

"You're stalling." I cross my arms.

"I'm stalling? How?" he shakes his head, looking for clarification.

"You know your mother is out there. You want to see her, deep down. But you can't bring yourself to reach out." I say, spilling everything I was thinking.

He narrows his eyes with a clenched jaw. "What the fuck makes you think I want to see her?" he asks, clearly offended.

But this is what he does, he shuts down. He gets angry. It's his defense mechanism. I know how to work past it now.

"Because, you want closure, don't you?" I persist. "Maybe you don't want to become close with her again, which is understandable, but you at least want to end things with her."

He inhales sharply through his nose and looks down at his sock covered feet tapping on the hardwood floor. "She fucked my entire life up."

I sigh, grabbing his chin. "You're entire life is not fucked up. You still have so much life to live...with me," I gently bring his hand to my stomach, both of us looking down at our baby. "and with them."

Harry needed reminders sometimes. He just needed that little push to get him back in the mindset of 'everything's gonna be okay'. There was nothing wrong with that. We're both still learning. We're both navigating this whole 'life' thing, and on top of that...we're about to be parents. We're experiencing a lot of pressure. It's easy to get lost in that.

He takes a deep breath, a calmer one. He nods to himself as he takes his bottom lip between his fingers. "I'm not seeing her right away. I need time." he says.

I smile in understanding. "Whenever you're ready, baby." I kiss him on the cheek.

Harry rubs my stomach lovingly. But, suddenly I felt a weird twinge in my stomach, and then a light flick. Harry yelped and took his hand away due to the flick making contact with his hand.

The baby was kicking.

"What the fuck was that?" he says with widened eyes.

"I-I think it's the baby kicking. It's never done it before." I look down at my own stomach.

I lift my shirt and rest my hand on different areas of my stomach, waiting to feel movement again. Harry looks at me, slowly approaching my stomach with his hand as well.

"Say something." I tell him. "I think they like your voice."

He looks from me, down to our baby. She crouches down to the same level as my stomach, keeping his hand next to mine.

He opens his mouth, but then looks back up at me and whispers, "I don't know what to say."

"Just say what comes to mind."