resurrect | h.s

part forty one

(start the music when you see the '*')

Harry Styles

I had to bury my one of my best friends today. In my own backyard, with a homemade tombstone.

"Liam Payne: a lover, a father, a friend. In loving memory. 1993-2021"

That was all we had left of him.

We all stood around his flower covered grave. Louis, Niall, Eliza and Elijah, and Lydia and I.

When Eliza found out about Liam, she screamed. I can't describe the horrible pain in her voice. She collapsed to the floor in deep sobs.

Louis had a breakdown as well. He lost his girlfriend and his best friend in the same day. I held him as he cried into me.

It wasn't an easy night by any means.

Now, we all stood dressed in black, looking down at our best friend who was now in a permanent state of rest.

Lydia stood by me, while she gripped onto Eliza's hand. Louis held Elijah, because Eliza wasn't stable enough to do so.

"Would anyone like to say anything?" Niall begins.

Lydia sniffs. "I will." she raises her hand slightly. I look at her as small tears leave her ducts.

*

"Liam, from the moment I met you, you were always so kind to me. You made me feel so welcome and you protected me because you knew how much Harry loved me. You were a great friend. I'm sorry for getting mad at you when you got Eliza pregnant." she chuckles slightly, making the rest of us do the same. "I'll always remember you, Liam. I know you're up in heaven looking down, watching over us. We'll miss you." she finishes. I feel my eyes begin to well up. I quickly blink to keep the tears away.

"I-I'll go next." Eliza speaks. I see Lydia grip her hand tightly in support.

"Liam, baby. You were the love of my life. From the moment we met I adored every piece of your being. I can't believe I won't be able to look into your beautiful brown eyes before I go to sleep and wake up anymore. I'll continue to be strong because that's what you'd want." her voice begins to become completely broken. "Y-you g-gave me the greatest gift i-in the world. He w-won't know what happened to his father. B-but he will know how incredible of a man he was. We love you, baby." she says before completely falling apart into Lydia's arms.

Lydia rubs her back in comfort, crying as well.

I look down at the ground with my hands crossed in front of me.

My heart was broken.

"Liam." I hear Niall. "You were my brother. You were the person that taught me how to shoot a gun. You showed me all the ropes. I'm going to miss you so much, buddy. I-I love you." Niall's voice breaks and he puts his hand over his mouth, turning away from the grave showing us that he just couldn't say anymore than what he did.

"Okay, I'll go." Louis says, patting Niall on the back with his free hand.

"I lost my best friend. I lost so much. Liam, despite the life you lead, you had such a big heart. You cared about everyone, even when you shouldn't have. Let's be honest here, you deserved so much more than this fucked up life. This wasn't your path and I'm sorry you ended up here. We all love you, Payno. You will be remembered."

Tears were dripping slowly down my cheeks at this point. Louis finishes speaking and I realize that I was the only one left.

I look up and see everyone looking towards me, waiting for me to speak.

I clear my throat and look at Lydia. She was staring up at me with teary, but reassuring blue eyes. It was like she was silently telling me it was okay to breakdown.

I look back to Liam's grave.

"Liam..." I start, already feeling my chest tighten. "Fuck, I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. You were more than my friend, you-you were my brother. I took you for granted. I wish I told you sooner how much you meant to me." I say, thinking back to just yesterday when he 'trained me in fathering'. "You taught me so much. I never told you that, but you did. You showed me that it's okay to let myself be loved. It allowed me to find the love of my life." I sniffle, grabbing onto Lydia's tiny hand. "I remember when we met for the first time. I couldn't fucking stand you." I say, causing Louis to laugh under his breath at the lighthearted statement. "You drove me absolutely crazy, Payne. I'm gonna miss that." Flashbacks of Liam spun through my head. "We're gonna make sure your son turns into the best kid ever. He's gonna be so amazing, Liam. Just like you were. You'll be so proud." Tears fall from my eyes and my vision becomes glazed over. "I love you, Liam. I'm sorry for not telling you that."

I dip my head down, unable to say anything else.

I miss him so much. I want him back.

Quiet cries left the lips of everyone.

We were all devastated.

"Dada." I hear a tiny voice speak. I look up at everyone before I realized where it came from.

Held in Louis' arms, Elijah's small hand was outstretched.

He said his first word.

"Dada." he repeats.

Eliza immediately rushes over to her baby, taking him from Louis. "That's right, baby. Dada." she says in a soft tone, her cheeks stained by tears.

It was the craziest thing. It was as if Eli knew his dad was gone.

"Let's go inside." Niall says, sniffing and wiping his eyes. Lydia walks next to Eliza, following Niall into the house after we just mourned our best friend moving to the next stage.

I stare down at the tombstone.

"You coming?" Louis asks.

I don't look at him. "I'll just be a minute." I say, then hear him walking inside.

I crouch down, putting my hand on top of the grey gravestone.

I knew Liam was looking down over us right now. He was probably crying, out of love, because he's a big softie like that.

This man did so much for me.

I'll never be able to repay him.

I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my suit.

I take a deep breath and blow air out of my mouth.

I look at Liam's picture on the stone, pursing my lips to the side.

"Thank you." I simply say, before standing up and walking inside.

//
how are y'all doing because i know i'm not okay.