Weeks past, Jeongin and I grew more apart. We haven't spoken to eachother ever since that little blowout we had. Fortunately, though, my brother and his friends have been keeping me company.
As the feelings are still there for him, it would be best to stay away from him to prevent me from getting more hurt. I love him, but I just can't take it anymore. All of that yelling and lashing out on me but he can't even tell me why he left.
I can't take it anymore, I can't fake it acting like I'm fine when I'm really not. I have grown to realize I don't need to depend on him to make me happy. I know those feelings will always be there for him. He's like a crush that never goes away. But for now, this is for the best. Us staying away from eachother, us not speaking. We can never be friends without something happening.
It just felt way too toxic. One of us had to leave. I'm glad he did leave, things were getting worse by the minute and I just allowed it. Him leaving only realized how dependent I was on him to make me happy. But.. him leaving also made me question my worth and make me think it was all my fault he left.
Maybe I wasn't good enough for him, maybe that's why he left. It's okay. I'm used to the feeling of being alone, but I have my brother and Lee Chan. They're all I need and that's okay.
But still. My heart and mind goes back and forth. One moment I think I'm totally fine without him, but then another moment I feel like my world is crashing down. It hurts like shit, but I know I have to get over it and let go.
The kind things he has done for me only hides the truth and rips me apart even more. I love him, but I hate him. He's my everything but I hate him so much. Because of him, I'm becoming more and more broken and ruined but he can't go away because he's my everything.
He has me feeling like my world is crashing down, as if I'm completely ruined and broken. I AM ruined and broken. I love him so much my heart won't leave, but my mind is telling me to. I hate him so much I love him. Please go away, Jeongin. Please. I can't do it any longer.
I'm going crazy being like this
I'm going crazy, dealing with this shit
Going crazy, taking all of your yelling and lashing out
Going crazy, feeling like I was never good enough
Going crazy, sitting there everyday wondering what I did to you
Going crazy, wondering why you left me
Going crazy, because I need you so bad it hurts
Going crazy, knowing you don't love me like I love you.
Why does it have to be this way?
I'm falling, but I need him. I keep telling myself I don't need him but I just do. I need Jeongin so bad but I hate him.
Day by day, I'll get over him.
Even if it takes weeks or months. I know I'll get over him. I shouldn't be stressing over a dumb boy anyway. I know he has his own things to deal with but still, it doesn't give him a right to treat me like shit. I never even done anything to him recently.
He thinks it's okay for him to completely lash out on me and treat me like I'm nothing. I might have endured it the first few times but I can't anymore.
He doesn't have a right.
To leave me out in the blue without telling me why and then treating me like this whenever I've been doing nothing but comforting him.
I'm done with you, Jeongin.
Even if my heart tells me not to be.
YOU ARE READING
enemies ⁀➷ y.jn ✓
Fanfictionkwon y/n and yang jeongin weren't a great duo. they always argued, fought, and simply just hated one another. at the age of 14, y/n moved away and they never saw eachother again. but then when y/n moves back to korea after four years, their hatred f...
