KapCan & Macho World Tour

Chapter 16 - The Healer

Sanem woke up in the middle of the night. Her stomach felt like she had eaten a pound of rocks and the nausea she felt in the afternoon came back with a vengeance. She barely made it out to the railing, before the content of her stomach ended up overboard. None of the home remedies helped and after two days of this she was wondering if she caught a stomach flu. A few moments later the horrible feeling passed and she sat down. The night was calm and the sky clear. It was new moon, so the only thing she could see were the stars and their reflection in eerily peaceful waters of the North Sea. One by one she started counting them, breathing in deeply, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

Soon she felt good enough to go down to the kitchen. Just as she finished brushing her teeth, she heard something from below the deck. Can was tossing and turning in their bed, mumbling something incoherently.

– Can? – When he didn't answer, she went to the cabin and sat on the bed next to him. – Can, wake up. – She took his hand and caressed his face. He was sweaty. – Can, wake up, please.

When he finally opened his eyes his breathing was heavy and fast.

­­– Sanem? – He held her hand tightly for reassurance.

– It's ok, it was just a nightmare. – She stroked his face. – I'll get you some water.

– No, it's fine. I'll just get some air. You go back to sleep.

He didn't give her a chance to protest, just grabbed his hoodie and left. Sanem sat on the bed wondering.

"Go to him, you silly girl." – her voice once again proved to be rather useful. – "He needs you."

– Sus. I know he'd rather be alone now.

"Did he leave you alone when you had a nightmare? No. He gave you your amber necklace. Go to him, you coward."

Can came out to the bow deck and sat cross legged on the mattress. His heart was still pounding, but the cool air dried up the sweat from his brow. He rubbed his face and sighed.

It's been months since the last time he had this nightmare. Back when he was sailing the world on his own he dreaded each night, knowing that as soon as he doses off, Yiğit's face will inevitably appear in his mind. For the first few months he hadn't had more than a couple of hours of sleep a day. He was exhausted, hurt, angry and on the verge of giving up. 

– Here, drink this. – A couple of minutes later Sanem sat down next to him and offered him a cup of tea. Can smiled and took it. It tasted like heaven. – Do you want to talk about it?

– It's nothing. It was just a nightmare. – He touched her cheek, trying to wipe concern off her face. – How are you feeling? Is the nausea gone?

– For now. Don't change the subject, Can. – She took his hand and gently squeezed it. – Talk to me, please.

Can looked at his wife and sighed. He didn't want to burden her with this. He truly believed it was over, but obviously he was wrong.

– Ever since I left Istanbul I had these nightmares. Each night I dreamt about that damn moment in the hut. The way Yiğit attacked me, how I pushed him... The way you looked at me. – He turned away and fixed his eyes on the railing, not being able to even glance at her face. – The accusation in your eyes haunted me. You believed him over me and it broke me. For months I'd been angry. Until that one night in July when I was sailing along the African coast. That storm came out of nowhere. The waves were a few meters high and the wind was hauling like a tormented soul. I was standing right here, trying to fold the sail, when the boat got tossed and I fell overboard. I tried to stay afloat but then I thought: "Why bother?" It was so peaceful under the water. – Can hesitated for a moment and gingerly looked at Sanem. Her cheeks were wet with tears but she didn't say a word. She was just listening. – I stopped trying to rise to the surface and let myself fall deeper and deeper. I remember the darkness felt oddly comforting. It matched how I was feeling and for the first time in weeks I felt at peace.