KapCan & Macho World Tour

Chapter 26 - Do You Trust Me?

Sanem was sitting on the bench by the Seine, absentmindedly playing with a rose, trying to wrap her head around what Can told her. The clouds above her were heavy, but the rain was yet to fall, as if waiting for her decision. She didn't like Polen. After all this time her name still send a shiver down Sanem's spine and planted a heavy rock in her stomach. She really hoped she'd never hear of her again, but that hope was now gone. She should've known, should've realized Can would not cut contact with that woman. After all she was "special" and a "friend". Ugh. Sanem just rolled her eyes and threw a stone into the river. It made some waves, which were immediately washed away by the current. She sighed and leaned back.

"Can, why is Polen's baby named after you? And why is she thanking you?"

She asked that and she remained calm, though what she really wanted was to run. She was so scared of the answer, afraid to look Can in the eye and see the confirmation of her suspicion. Yet she stayed, not because she also felt frozen in place, but because she hoped to hear she was being stupid, that he and Polen were not bound forever. That he has always been and will always be only hers.

Her mind brought back the look on Can's face when he understood what she really asked him.

– Sanem, I'm not that girl's father. – He assured her, but when he tried taking her hand, she pulled away. This hurt him. He tried hiding it, but couldn't. – You don't believe me. – He stated rather than asked. – You think this baby is mine.

– No! – She immediately denied, but as she said it she realized she had doubts and sighed. – I don't want to but you and Polen... You told me she was special, you have all this history... And the name...

– Sanem, enough. I thought we were over that. You cannot be jealous of her our whole life. – He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. – I'll say this one last time, this is not my baby. Now you decide if you trust me or not. – The waiter brought the check and Can paid without a word. – All I'm gonna tell you is that something happened to her, something painful, and she needed a friend. But it's not my place to talk about it. – He got up and Sanem's heart sunk. ­­– Call her and ask her if you want. I'm going back.

He left her in the café and walked back to the hotel, leaving the rose on the table and his phone in Sanem's hand.

 A tour boat full of tourists passed, snapping Sanem out of her bubble. She looked around, hoping Can was somewhere near, watching her, but he wasn't. She was alone. Sanem took out his phone from her bag and stare at it for a while. Finally she found Polen's number in the contacts.

"You cannot be this stupid." Her voice woke up just in time to stop her.

– I have to know.

"He told you what happened. You swore to always trust him. Is this how you're doing it? Are you really gonna believe him only when others confirm what he said?"

Sanem didn't respond and not only because an old woman with an equally old dog were passing her by. She suddenly remembered how it felt when her word was not enough, when those, who claimed to love her doubted her. She remembered how deeply it hurt her, when in the elevator Can told her he didn't trust her. And now she was doing it to him.

"So?"

– Sus. Leave me. – She pushed the phone back to her pocket and went back to the hotel.

Can sat on the bed, leaning forward, with elbows on his knees. His eyes were fixed on the floor. He felt as if somebody pulled a rug from under him. She didn't trust him. She said she did, but was she just fooling herself and him? It seemed that no matter what he said or did, Sanem would always doubt his word and he was going to have to learn to live with this. Maybe with time he'll grow numb to it. Maybe with time it won't matter. He rubbed his face and loudly exhaled. Now he was being a fool. It will always matter. Love without trust is empty and meaningless. Love without a trust doesn't exist. Oh, how the wheels have turned. Once upon a time it was he who didn't trust her. Now he felt helpless. The need to do something was overwhelming, but there was nothing he could do. He could've repeated that the baby was not his till he was blue in the face, but this time it was all on Sanem. She had to decide if his word was enough. All he could do was wait.