𝙢𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧 || shigaraki tomura

hidden level

𝚑𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚎𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕

???

??? POV
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I don't know when I gained consciousness.

the last time I remember having my own independent thoughts was when I was holding Avi in my arms, as we were hiding from All for One in my closet.

from that day on everything is a blur.

well...

up until now.

I don't know where I've been since the day I died until gained consciousness as a soul. I don't even know if I am still me or if I just carry on the memories of the guy I used to be. it feels quite peculiar.

I am not alive.

I don't even exist at all times.

but I'm here.

sometimes I awake because my sister needs me. her soul keeps tugging on to mine and I am too afraid to let go of her hand that I've been holding since the day she was born.

I can't leave her yet.

in my opinion, she's too young to put up with all of the shit she gets loaded with, but who am I to complain? I am basically a dead man so I probably shouldn't have opinions at all.

but if I can have thoughts, how do I do that when I'm actually dead?

how am I able to... be?

I never tried to find out why I suddenly became conscious again. I accepted that it must be Avi's abilities that gave me the power to build  consciousness on my own. that's what I accepted as my truth.

I don't know how I turned out to be a soul that's living without a body, but I know why I am wandering with the living again.

it's because my sister needs me.

I owe her big time for so many things. she wrote so many of my songs when I was still alive. fifty percent of my fame came from Ava's incredible ability to write a song about all kinds of occasions. whether it's a love story or someone's death, my little sister always knew how to turn emotions into music. I only realized that she was so talented in that area because it's part of her quirk.

Ava can hear someone's soul song and knows what they are feeling - at least that's where we are trying to get to. I promise she'll get there soon enough!

but not only that.

my little sister helped me hide some of my past mistakes from mom and dad. I don't know if I should feel good about making her my accomplice. she'd keep her window unlocked if I sneaked out so I would always have a way to sneak back into the mansion at all times. I didn't ask her to do so, she just did on her own.

I should have stopped when Ava told me to.

but I couldn't.

looking back it's always easy to say I would have changed things when I was still alive but do I really want to do that?

I can't change who I am. I can't change my heart's desire. I don't like girls, that's just me and I fucking love myself, so why would I change something that makes me... me?