Precious Sins ✓

Chapter 35: The Ghost Of Him

Precious Sins

Chapter XXXV: The Ghost Of Him

[Adrien's POV]

When I got back home, I was exhausted. I had a headache from all the crying I did back at the party and on the cab ride home. I was lightheaded, my eyes were blotchy, my face was stained with tears, and my chest ached; it was a constant pain that settled there, and it wouldn't go away.

I still couldn't come to terms with the fact that Preston broke up with me; I couldn't handle it. It hurt, like a part of me had been ripped out. He's been my best friend for so long and having him stripped from my life so suddenly was nearly unbearable. Worse, it had been my fault. If I had tried harder to push Carter off of me, if I had stopped him from kissing me, if I had just gone back inside or stayed with Preston and his friends, this probably wouldn't have happened. I didn't try hard enough and now Preston was gone and it was my fault.

And to make things worse, I could still feel Carter's hands on me, and his lips, and I hated the feeling. I felt gross and wrong. It kept playing in my head over and over and I just wanted to shut it out, rip the touch off my skin, but I couldn't. I couldn't erase the ghost of his touch and it pained me even more.

Tears threatened to blur my vision, but I pushed them back as I unlocked the door and stepped inside the house. The house was dark and empty. It was almost one in the morning and I could barely see in the dark house. I kicked off my shoes, hung up my coat, and headed up the dark staircase with the help of my phone light.

And when I found myself in our shared bedroom, and as my body hit the mattress, all I could do was cry again. In the bed that was Preston's, where his smell lingered. It made me sick to my stomach, crying this much. Everything hurt so much and I didn't know what to do with all this pain. I just couldn't hold it in.

His scent was all over the bed. On the pillows, the blankets; it all smelt like him. This room was his, and just being here made my heartburn into ash.

I didn't sleep that night.

***

When I woke up the next morning, I just wanted to go back to sleep to forget the events of the night before. I didn't end up falling asleep until almost four in the morning, and even then, it wasn't a deep sleep. It was merely surface level, where my mind was constantly going, thoughts racing, making it nearly impossible to sleep. And now, I was exhausted.

But I knew I wouldn't go back to bed. Not when I was still in my clothes, and I just felt disgusting in general, to the point where I wanted to scrub off a layer of skin. What's worse, was that I knew Preston didn't come back at all last night, because not once did he come into bed, and not once did I hear the front door open in the middle of the night. He just never came back, and that had me both worried and heartbroken at the same time.

I rolled over onto my stomach, resting my cheek against the pillow as I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. The time read nine in the morning, and I had no messages from Preston, but instead messages from Phoebe, Joseph, and Kourtney. But instead of checking them, I put my phone back down and with a heavy breath, I pulled myself out of bed.

I got myself into the shower and stood under the hot spray of water, washing away the makeup off my face and scrubbed at my skin hard enough for it to turn red. I didn't know how long I stayed in the shower, but it was surely close to forty-five minutes, and for that time I mostly just stood there, trying to not let my emotions fall and for tears to shed, because I didn't want to do that, not in front of my mom and Jackson at least.