A/B/O || Jinkook

53. Let me go

We're both silent for quite some time. Sitting on the ground makes me colder than I already am and he must be feeling the same way. Is he not moving because I'm not moving? I'm wasting precious minutes like this. I have things to do, or rather one thing to do, and I have to finish it before any of the others realize I'm gone. If they find my will then they'll come looking for me. I glance at Seokjin and he looks back at me with round eyes. I can almost see my own busted reflection in them. ...Why does he look at me like that? So annoying. It makes my heart hurt even more.

"Are you alright?" I ask. "He got some good swings at you."

He rubs his arm a little, trying to not show the pain on his face. 

"It's nothing more than a couple bruises probably. And you? You blacked out and... he got some good hits on you too. Your lip is bleeding a little. Does it hurt? Are you dizzy?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

"Oh, OK..."

We go silent yet again. I can't believe how awkward this is. I just tried to kill a man for touching him but now I can barely look him in the eye. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I wanted to have disappeared by now. I guess I'm glad that I helped him from that guy, but how am I supposed to let everything go now? I thought he was happy with someone else. Now that I know he's not it makes me worried about what he's going to do after I actually go. Damn it. 

"You're wearing your ring," he points out in a careful voice. 

"Yeah. I guess I am... You're wearing yours too."

"Yeah... I guess I am."

Being with him here all of a sudden is so strange. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to cuddle up in his arms and just cry for days on end, but I know can't do that. Reconnecting with him now is a bad idea. I have nothing to give him. I have to let go. 

He eventually stands up and offers me his hand. I don't even look at it before shakily getting up on my own. He retrieves his hand with an uncomfortable smile. I brush off any snow on my clothes and this time we're left standing in an awkward silence instead. Gosh, can't this just stop already? I want it all to stop. My eyes slide over towards the road leading to the bridge. Just as I'm about to take a step in that direction and leave all the problems behind, he speaks up in a more determined manner, effectively stopping me just like that. 

"Thank you for saving me, JK. I don't know what would've happened without you. Seemingly you almost always show up when I need you the most. You don't hesitate to jump in and save me no matter the circumstances. I really am grateful for you, even if I don't show it as much as I probably should."

"Yeah, whatever. I'm just glad you're OK."

Hearing him thank me doesn't make me feel happy at all. Preferably I shouldn't have to save him from any alphas in the first place. He makes me sound like some kind of hero when I'm really not. Not at all. I simply did what I had to do. Will he be alright here if I leave? Seemingly no matter what alphas will come chasing after him. He's strong... but how strong? Even though I don't want to think about it, he will be sad when I die. If he can't get rid of suitors now, then how will he have the strength to fight people off if he's mourning me? Maybe he'd just give up and start taking the suppressants again. I don't want to make him sad or put him in that situation. I really don't want to. But I don't want to go on like this either. If I just end it then I don't have to think about it anymore. It won't be my problem then. Nothing will be my problem and I won't be a problem to anyone else either. I'll just go to the bridge and-

"I should've told you sooner," Seokjin says, once again stopping me in my tracks as I try to run away from the world. He's most likely not even doing it on purpose. He's simply trying to talk to me. It's so ironic. He wants to talk to me first when I've reached this point. But nonetheless I stay to hear what he has to say.