Right here, Right now ~ RINI

Chapter 31

Hey everyone! 

Hope you like this new chapter of 'Right here, Right now'. I have the feeling that people are getting sick of this story, so I'll probably end it soon, unless it's all in my head. 

I also want everyone to pray for Joshua. We don't know what exactly is going on, but the least we can do is pray for him to get better as soon as possible, so he can enjoy the succes of his new single 'Lie Lie Lie', as he should. I'm not gonna lie, it's a bop! 

Have an amazing day!

Hugs and kisses! 

Ricky's POV

I can't believe her. I know a lot of you may think I'm overreacting, but I just feel so useless at this moment. I try so hard to help her and then I have to hear that she searches for help with someone else.

I really shouldn't be angry with her, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed and I know that there is a risk that I will say something that might upset her if I stay. And that's literally the last thing I want to do. So it's better for everyone if I just remove myself from that scene.

"I'll text you, okay?" is the last thing I say before heading to her door. Nini remains silent, so I guess that is an okay.

What I didn't expect is to hear Nini say the following.

"I still cut myself"

I turn around immediately and I see Nini, still sitting on the edge of her bed, looking small and fragile. I don't say anything at first and just slowly start walking back to her, coming closer and closer. I can see her following every move I make. I slowly reach out for her wrists, my eyes not leaving hers. I gently grab them and I break eye contact to inspect her wrists, but there aren't any cuts to see on them, only old scars from last time.

"My thighs" I hear her mumble softly.

I look up and make eye contact again.

It all makes sense now. How she tensed when I put my hand on her thighs a few minutes ago, why she constantly wears pants now, instead of her cute dresses and skirts, how she was able to 'stop' cutting herself without tending to do it again just once. I always thought she was so strong, but it just turns out she is still that struggling girl, too stubborn to ask for help.

"Neens..." I say. I don't really know what to say other than that.

"I know. I know you're disappointed, I'm disappointed myself, but I couldn't help it. I wanted you to be proud of me, so I kept it to myself." She says quietly, tears building in her eyes.

"Neens, I'm proud of you, no matter what. I'm proud of how far you have come already." I say.

"But nothing has changed, Ricky. Literally nothing. I'm still the same broken girl I was a few months ago.", she sobs.

"No Neens, you're not. You opened up to me and that's the first step. Searching help." I say, pulling her closer.

"But I wasn't honest." She sniffles.

"But you are now, aren't you?" I tell her.

"I guess...", she mumbles.

"Neens, I'm proud of you", I whisper, while rocking her a little.

We sit like that for a little while, until she feels calmer again. She slowly removes herself from my hold and wipes the remaining tears from her cheeks. She takes a deep breath before speaking.

"So what I wanted to talk to you about. I talked to Miss Jenn this morning. And just like you she told me that looking for help is the first step. And I guess I'm considering it, looking for help, professional help. But I wanted to know what you think about it." She says.

"Well, if you think that's what you need, then I'm going to support your decision.", I say.

She smiles and wraps her arms around my neck and buries her head in the crook of my neck. When she pulls away again, she softly places her lips on mine. How I'm never getting used to this feeling. Everytime she kisses me, it feels like the first time.

"Have you talked to your moms about this?" I ask her. She shakes her head.

"I was planning on maybe talking about it tonight, but I don't know when they are coming home.", she answers.

"You want me to stay with you until they're home?" I ask. She nods shyly. "Okay, movie?" She nods again.

So that's what we do, we get comfortable in her bed and with comfortable I mean we cuddle, and watch a movie.