Right here, Right now ~ RINI

Chapter 12

Guess who's back with chapter 12! Hope you like it! 

Hugs and kisses!

Nini's POV

I see the hurt in Ricky's eyes. Yes, I did it again. I hurt him again. Not that I did it on purpose, but it happened and that's enough. Why do I always hurt him? I am literally ruining his life.

Wouldn't you question this friendship? Or yourself? Why would someone want to be friends with someone who does nothing but hurt the other?

My thoughts are interrupted by Ricky starting to tighten his grip on my wrist. That sudden change causes me to look up and I see Ricky looking at me, jaw clenched. He looked mad. I haven't seen Ricky mad a lot before. He's someone who always seems to keep his calm.

"Enough", he grunted. "Are you trying to push me away, Neens? 'Cause I have to tell you something. Keep on trying, you are never going to succeed. We've been together for 11 years, almost 12. You are not ruining this, I won't let you. I've had so much patience, I tried to be so understanding, I tried to give you the space I thought you wanted, I held you every time you cried, I stroked your hair every time you were upset, I did it all without asking questions. I will always put you first, because I love you, Nini. I love you so f*cking much it hurts. I can't stand to see you hurt, it hurts me too. I know that never was your intention, but along the way, I'm almost as hurt as you are."

I admit, I'm not really paying attention to what he's saying, I'm focused on the tight grip his has on my wrist. That is until 3 little words catch my attention. 'I love you'.

Stop Nini, don't let yourself dream again, you made that mistake already. He loves you as a friend of course.

"I've never wanted to hurt you Ricky", I mumble. I see his eyes soften and his grip on my wrist loosens. He lets go of my hand and cups my cheeks with his hands. He softly strokes my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I know that, Nini, but I want you to know that you did, just 'cause you made me feel like I didn't matter anymore, that you don't trust me anymore.", he says calmly.

"That was never my intention", I mumble again, fighting back my tears.

"I know that, Neens", he replies with a small smile on his face. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I just want you to know that it doesn't have to be this way. I want you to know that there is a way we both won't get hurt anymore, but please. I've asked you this a million times. Please let me in, Please let me help you."

"I don't know if I can", I say, before thinking.

I don't understand why I can't. It's like this mental blockage every time I try. And that sucks, It really does. Because I know letting Ricky in is the right thing to do. I know some people would call me stubborn and I get that it seems that way, but it's more than that.

It sounds so stupid, but it's hard to explain. Gina bullying me made me extremely insecure, I guess. I'm sometimes even scared to open my mouth, even when I'm with Ricky. I have this constant fear of being judged.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Don't get me wrong, Neens. I don't expect you to tell me everything that's on your mind right away. Do it when you're ready for it, I won't force you to spill your guts. Baby steps okay?", he reassures me.

Ricky literally always knows what to say to me to keep me sane. His words always calm me down.

I give him a little smile. "Baby steps", I repeat after him.

"You just have to promise me to let me in, of course at your pace." He says. He sticks out his pinky. I chuckle lightly and link mine to his.

"Pinky promise", I say, finally meaning it.