Disproportion || BTS

What would you say?

Badbye (when you read this I'm dead)

For once I want to make it simple. Everything is too complicated. I want my death to leave a clean cut. An injury that can easily be healed without leaving a visible scar. Let me do this for you – for I love you and I want to be strong once. I've already destroyed too much and I should have done this way sooner. I know I should have. I don't deserve to be happy, when my happiness is such a destructive thing. I know that you are aware of this fact more than I am.

Everything that you've done for me Hoseok. These were the three most beautiful years of my life. You did all you could to make me happy and please don't ever doubt that. All the sacrifices that I've forced out of the people I love; I appreciate them, but they were too much to ask for.

Still I need to ask you for another favor – because I will make one last mistake – so I need you to go through hell for me again. Move on, go back to BTS. They're your real family - always will be - whilst I'm not.

I need to believe that things will be better when I am gone. Hoseok, I'm so pathetic and weak; promise me that everything will be alright. Live your life! I will be waiting on the other side (if it exists)

It's okay to not understand this. I know that you will hurt even more now. Killing myself is selfish again. But I can't do this anymore, I really cannot and nothing can change the fact that I was born to die. You will want to know why - so I am writing this even though it would be better to just go silently. I just cannot anymore. I cannot. I cannot. I fucking cannot. Please promise me that everything will be fine. The only thing that; I need to believe that lie. Even if it's a lie. I won't know. It is going to finally be over and God, Hoseok, it is going to be so much better. So much better. I need to believe that. Say that you will confide with me.

I tried to love life, but it didn't love me back the same way.

badbye,
Dea Taek