Disproportion || BTS

34. Chapter

Dear Diary,

my graduation went surprisingly well, but it changed a lot of things for me. Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Namjoon and I went on a date (more like a trip) to celebrate my success two days after I had graduated. Gosh, it made me fall for him even more and the pressure of our teacher×student relationship was lifted from our shoulders. We went to the sea and RM caught some crabs. His love for them is so adorable. I couldn't help but admire his cute little giggles when he picked up another one. uwu

Also, I don't know what had changed his mind, but, he had done a lot more activities with me lately. Of course even walking next to each other alone in public was dangerous but he had found sneaky ways to spend more time with me. They included climbing into my room at night, although I was scared he'd hurt himself, every time.

Not long ago I had collected all my courage and given him a lustful kiss too and indeed that had lead to us making out more often. Every brush of his lips sent electric tingles down my spine. Namjoon's lips were fuller than everyone else's lips I'd kissed before, and the material was so soft.

So yes, soon we took it even an step further. It was a rainy day, means we had a good excuse to stay inside. The boys had gone out and retrospectively I think that Namjoon must have planned everything. Small candles sat at the bookshelf, and we were watching a movie I had brought. It was quite sad and I snuggled into my boyfriends chest. Also there was a scene included that made me blush furiously (at least mentally). I'd totally forgotten that one time they got between the sheets..

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My ears burned and I hid my face. RM chuckled and paused the film, putting the laptop aside. "Did you forget about this or are you trying to tell me something?", he smirked predatory and I shuddered. Slowly he crawled on top of me and pressed a wet sloppy kiss on my neck. "Heeey", I complained weakly and simultaneously leaned my head back to give him better access.

The teacher laughed and slipped his fingers under my top. His breath ghosted over my ear and he told me that I could stop him any time. I nodded as a sign that I had understood and he eagerly pulled my shirt over my head before undressing himself. Wow. Not gonna lie, absolute awe of his body had me speechless. "Try not to drool", he said but his smile radiated too much warmth and humour to make it sound cocky.

Somehow I didn't know how to address him like this but I stopped caring when he ran his finger tips all over my body and told me how beautiful I was. The way his eyes admired every curve of my body made me feel incredibly confident. Boldness took over and I pulled the hem of his boxers down. My hand slipped in-between his legs and wrapped around his already hard cock. It was so cute when he gave a little gasp and I pumped slowly.

"Fuck-", he muttered and groaned, "I want you, Dea."  I watched and smiled up at him, as he rolled the condom over the hard shaft of his long member and positioned himself on top of me. Anticipation shook my body and I grabbed his neck and pulled him down lower. "Are you s-sure?", he asked embarrassed and I nodded eagerly, biting my lip. I wanted to feel him. Now.

Gently he pressed his pink tip against my womanhood and entered. It stung a little bit because of his size but he gave me more than enough time to adjust. My boyfriend cupped my face and wiped away the wetness on my cheek. "You're doing good. Are you okay?", he assured himself. A soft smile creeped onto my lips and we kissed softly. During the kiss the rapper slowly started to move and it started to feel really amazing.

He thrust into me hard in a consistent slow pace and I couldn't help but moan. My legs wrapped around his hips and pulled him closer. I wanted to feel every inch of his length. He closed his eyes and blindly followed my request, going harder and faster. Little moans and groans escaped from his parted lips and it made me so proud. I ran my hands through his hair, down over his strong shoulders, whom glinted with a thin layer of sweat.

RM was a work of art. His sensual body and moves. My thoughts distracted me from the pleasure I was receiving and so the teacher cummed before me. He attempted to keep going but broke down on me. "It's okay", I giggled and kissed his collarbone. He looked at me with his beautiful eyes and we locked lips.

Softly he traced his tongue down to my jaw and to my left ear, where he nibbled a bit on my sensitive skin. I smiled like a idiot because he was cute. He really was.

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Wow this is getting way too long, lol. Usually I'd probably stop now because break is over or I'd have to be long asleep anyway. But my time in school is in the past and I don't have a job, nor a university to go to. To be honest I don't have a plan at all. The only thing I know is, that I have to do something, before I lose my mind from boredom. Although I'm not bored. The spare time I have is spent thinking, writing or practicing the guitar and new choreographies.

Idol life sure was hard but I envy Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung. They know what to do now. Long before me they have decided to persuade their dream job, have been working on achieving it continuously. Whereas I - I am just me. Too slow and indecisive to make it. Too true to myself to fake it. Let me tell you something. A little bit of talent that works towards your aim never hurt no one. And yes it's not an insurance that you will make it but it's an advantage you'll never lose. That's why it's called talent, because not everyone has and can achieve it.

Every BTS member has a talent that stands in connection with their career. Whether it be acting, dancing, singing, rapping, texting, producing music or functioning as an ice breaker. I on the other side have been born with zero rhythm and had to work hard for the little I have now. For heaven's sake, I can't sing or rap! My dancing skills are average, my beauty is average and compared to Korean girls I often feel like trash. Still, I have the same dream.

Maybe our irrational passion for music is the only thing we have in common. Speaking of, I wrote some lyrics yesterday and I think they might be the final touch that RM's song needs. I mean our song. But it's more his work. My part in nearly every team work is being a pool of ideas. I guess you could compare me to a water well, bubbling with ideas, still useless, maybe pretty to look at and sometimes irritating. And not able to implement the ideas because all they can do is produce short lasting fizz. Yeah..

I tried tho but the results weren't satisfying. However, quite a few parts that stayed in the song have been my idea. We love word repetitions so let's say it again, I think that is a bad idea on my boyfriends side.

Probably another bad idea is the conclusion I reached last week. It is to tell Namjoon oppa about me being a little and asking him to be my Daddy. As well as setting an end to whatever it is that I have with my best friend, cuddle buddy, and ,hello barbie let's go party' clubber. And that hurt because we have feelings. ______.

And I no longer wanted to doubt mine. I have plenty of other things to figure out. How to survive with no money for example, because it was clear my parents would kick me out if I didn't study and I didn't intend to do so right now. Also there was no job I was interested in, that I was good enough for.

So with that being said, I should probably go now. Maybe I can come up with a plan to rob a bank without being caught. Or I could sell some old stuff or things I craft but robbing a bank will definitely bring in more cash...

Byee, until next time! (Hopefully with more money ._.)

I shut the diary and put my hilarious lock onto it. The pink plastic thingy didn't prevent any reading, as cheap as it was. Unless babies tried to break it open and it was common sense that they couldn't read. And I mean, there weren't any babies alone in a park, right? At least not in its original meaning. Wow, okay drifting from the topic again. Quickly, I pushed the glitter decorated book into my bag and prayed no one would find it. Then I scurried away from the bench and into the climated brick building to meet the rapper.

Time to carry out my plan!