Disproportion || BTS

21. Chapter

Dea had been shy around me since the incident. Sure, she had come to the party and nobody could have told that something had happened between us but later the week she had started to avoid me. Whenever I’d wanted to talk to her privately she had been busy. Namjoon had signed her in for a local writing contest and she was working on it non-stop.

I had become annoyed and called her into my school office on friday afternoon but she had simply stood me up. As mainly her best friend it seemed that our work relationship didn't affect her. I sighed and rested my head against the back of the seat while waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

She’d move in with us in three days and I wanted this tension out of the world before the new week started. It was unbearable to not be able to talk to her and joke around now that I’d gotten so used to it. And on top of that she would have to do my laundry too which I was sure under this circumstances would piss her off. I should offer to do it myself…

I groaned, clenched my hands around the steering wheel and stepped onto the gas pedal. Out of a mood I sharply turned right, after passing the crossing. If Dea didn't want talk to me at school I would have to stop by her house. Hopefully her mom was at home so she would let me in easily. I pulled into their parking spot slowly and stayed seated for a few more moments.

This situation as a whole was stressing me out. I bet my friend was just as over the place. At least I had a lot on my mind, especially our kiss replaying in my head over and over again. I’ll spare you the details but it had felt good.

POV: Dea

The doorbell rang and I spurted downstairs to see who it was but my mom had already opened the door. “Who is it mom?!”, I yelled curiously. “Uhm, it's Hoseok, my dear. Do you want to see him?”

Did I want to see him? I wasn't sure but I’d have to face him sooner or later. “Let him in, mom.” My best friend looked at me fiddling with the seam of his shirt and stepped inside. I nodded at him distancely and made my way to my room again. He followed close behind but to my surprise didn't make a sound. I should not take him to my room. This could seem like I had forgiven him already. Although there was nothing to forgive,  indeed I did not want to forget what happened, and that bothered me. The fact that I did not want it to be meaningless bothered me. But… it had been my first kiss after all. Wasn’t it supposed to be special?

Hoseok opened the door for me gentleman like and I gave a short smile which he nervously returned. After he had entered and closed the door carefully, he just stood there looking lost. A deep sigh escaped my lips and I went up to him. He avoided my gaze until I was standing right in front of him. My arms pulled him in for a hug smoothly and I buried my face in his shoulder.

Realizing I was no longer mad at him, Hobi wrapped his arms around me. He was holding on for dear life almost turning me into a mashed potato but I didn't speak up. The warmth he radiated gave me the exact comfort I needed. And I needed it because of what had happened between us. Because it had messed with my feelings. 'What irony’, I thought.

My best friend stroke my nape, resting his head on top of mine. I could feel his deep breaths with my chest pressed against him. And just as he started to relax I gave a small peck at his collarbone. Do.not.ask.why! This weird feeling had overcome me and without a second thought I had just… but it had sent his heartbeat to speed up again. I heard him breath in sharply when my lips touched his soft skin. His very soft skin that tasted just like him. Very fresh, but not too penetrative and you didn't get a headache from it.

STOP! - FOCUS! “-do this to me.” Huh? “Do do what?”, I asked dumbly and pulled away a bit to look him in the eyes. Had they gotten more beautiful since I’d last looked into them? My friends words shook me out of my mindspace. “Do not. Do not do this to me, Dea!”, my best friend exclaimed. It took me longer than it should have to figure out what he had been talking about and it hurt me more than it should have too.

I only nodded weakly and fixed my gaze at my pink fluffy socks. On the way down I hadn't come around to notice how incredibly handsome my best friend was. I’d gotten so used to it I didn't even notice it anymore. No wonder all the girls were drooling over him in class.

He followed my gaze down and then I was picked up and thrown onto the bed. “I didn't mean it that way.”, he tried to get out of the situation. “You did, and that's okay. I have someone else anyway. Uhm hopefully in the soon future. I’m sorry I acted mindlessly.” ‘I thought - I thought you might like it’, I didn't say it. Why was I even feeling this way?? Gosh, I needed my daily share of cuddling asap or I might do something I’d regret.

Hobi moved and laid next to me, looking at the ceiling. I did the same and there was silence between us. It wasn't good but not bad either. More like loaded with things we didn't say. I felt his hand slip into mine and he rubbed his soft thumb against my skin. I turned to look at my Hobi. He seemed far away when he answered me,“You're right. I meant what I said but I hadn't finished voicing my thoughts. I--I, you're driving me crazy. You're not the only one who is looking for love, you know?”

My heart stopped a beat and adrenaline rushed through my veins. My heart beat so hard against the cage of my chest that I was sure Hobi would be able to hear it. I was driving him crazy. Of course I was. He should be somewhere else with someone else. So if he was looking for love why was he here with me?

The young male reached across my waist and took my other hand into his too. I shot him a questioning look but he didn't reply. Soon I felt my fingers get warmer under his touch. A soft smile spread on my face and I looked at our intertwined hands.

'You’re cold - so cold.’ The memory of a blue night sky appearing and temperature dropping teased my brain. My heart sank. I shouldn't be laying here together with Hobi.

- - - - -

The warm light of the sunset covered my bedroom in colours of saturating yellow and orange. I wrapped the towel closer around my body and threw myself onto my bed happily. I inhaled the smell of my pillow and enjoyed the fresh feeling of no sweat. My hair was still dripping and my sheets soaked with water and the smell of shampoo.

On the bedside table I found my phone and held it close to my face.  “Hi, Namjoon!”, I chirped into the microphone when I finally called his contact after failing several times to do so (because I’d tried to type with my nose).

“Hey, Dea. What is it?”, he answered and I could hear the worry beneath his tone. “Oh nothing really. I just --uhm wanted to ask if you would like to go out with me. Uhm, yeah that's what I meant to ask.” He didn't answer immediately so I asked him again. I swear I should have done this before freshening up because I was so nervous I broke out in a sweat.

He still hadn't replied. “Y--You-” “I’ll be there in half an hour. Is that okay?”, I could barely make out his words. “Yeah, yeah but I don't want to cause any inconvenience. I can come too. Where are you right now?”, I asked turning onto my back. “I'm still in my office correcting homework.” “Oh then I don't want to bother you any further. We could just meet at the entrance at said time and then decide what to do.” He agreed and hung up.

I jumped up, grabbed my favourite black skinny jeans, put on some underwear and combined it with a pastel purple pulli. Then I stopped in my track: Should I do makeup? Usually I didn't. Would it look like I dolled up? - Who was I kidding - I was dressing pretty for Monnie. A few swipes with my highlighter, blending and a decent gold brown eyeshadow. That had to do the job. I pushed my purse and phone into a small leather bag and jogged downstairs. “Mom, I’m meeting with a friend if that's okay with you. I’ll be back at seven”, I yelled into the kitchen that was connected to our living room. “Okay sweetie! 8pm will be fine too, have fuuuun.”