Disproportion || BTS

33. Chapter

I put my laptop aside and let myself drop onto my back on the bed. Writing the blog had distracted me for some time but now I was exhausted. Automatically my thoughts drifted back to my birthday night. I couldn't get it out of my mind. Heck, I was wearing the pink socks Hoseok had given me right now. It may sound stupid but I was upset because his scent no longer lingered on my pillow. Falling asleep was easier when he was here. My sleeping routine without him was empty. Get to bed, write, read and hope I’d eventually fall asleep, curled up into a ball, from exhaustion.

I was simply craving his presence. The gentle strokes through my hair, the soft glimmer in his beautiful brown eyes when he thought I didn't see him looking at me. A sigh escaped my lips and I closed my eyes, blending out the plain sight of the ceiling and envisioning his face above me. It was funny how these small things were what remained with me most of the time. Our intertwined hands and his soft thin lips caressing my skin.

I forced myself to memorize the more active part of the night. An analysis was needed. I no longer was sure of my feelings and I hoped I’d find the answer to my questions if I went through my memories long enough. So first was the date with Namjoon. It was very nice. He’d taken me out to a restaurant in another city, we had eaten and then rid home on the train together. We had even kissed properly - twice. Must have been because it was my birthday, usually he wasn't as affectionate as I would have liked.

Nevermind, okay actually I did mind. His attitude towards me in school bothered me! He never did things with me, didn't eat with us, didn't smile at me in class (not really). But if Hobi could, why couldn't he? The dancer was also a teacher but sat at different tables every day. Our table, the teachers table and even with his dance students! I wanted more attention from my boyfriend!! Oof, I sounded like a needy little girl.

I was a little needy girl. So back to Hobi. He had obviously realized that and started to call me princess which made me happiest! And from the top of my head to my toes I knew that it shouldn't. The man wasn't even supposed to call me that, yet I wouldn't let him stop. Because I loved the nickname and the advantages that came with it. Being around him was wonderful. And I had called him Dada…

Seriously I had been expecting anything but not to have sex when I entered the dorm. And as far as I could tell it had been good vanilla sex. His fingers carefully grazing over my skin sending delicious little shivers all over my body and his constant assurance, I desired to feel that way again. I had felt loved. Indeed I had said that I loved him. The rapper had returned the promise too. What did that actually mean? Did he love me? Oh my God! What had I gotten myself into?!

I groaned and buried my head in the big pillow. My bed sheets were a plain white with blue spirals, but right now I felt like changing them into something more cheerful. I needed to do something. Maybe thinking wasn't he right strategy, it only made me realize how much I missed him.

I got up and went towards my wardrobe to get out the pink bed linen I had gotten as a child. The ballerinas smiled at me and I smiled back at them. After I had gotten my place comfortable again I quickly put the sweaty clothes into the washer downstairs. Back to my room I changed into the blue onesie and locked the door. Hehe I’d have some fun now! I pulled my coloring book out of my work desk drawer and decided which of my 60 color pencils I would use today. Not the new ones obviously.. I saved pencils as long as I could hold them.

I created a stable ground on my bed and got comfy with my plushies around me and the Pocahontas soundtrack echoing from my walls. It was warm and all but slipping? - Nah. My life was such a tease and I was booooored! My eyes connect with the reflection of my phone screen and an idea came to my mind. It wasn't the best but I had no better idea either, lmao. A evil smile spread on my face and I bit my lip.

“Dada?” “What is it?”, Hobi whispered into the mic a little uneasy. “Oh, oh n--nothing.” “I didn't want to bug you. Mianhae”, I apologized and was about to hang up when he told me to hold on. “You wouldn't call without a reason, princess. Be a good girl and tell me.” I blushed because of his sweetness and stuttered back a lame excuse, “Uhm, I--I, my bed -uhm- feels so empty.” He chuckled and sighed. “Listen, we’re still in the studio but I can come over afterwards, okay? Just make sure I can come in and try to get some sleep, princess.”

He had sounded so tired. Immediately I felt bad and told him that it was fine to just go home and rest. “Who is it?”, I heard low voices through the phone. The boy covered the mic to respond and I waited. Before he finally hang up he excused himself, genuinely sorry. Not knowing what option he had decided to use, I just followed his instructions. I put my drawing tools away and did my daily evening routine. When I opened the window a warm breeze blew through my short hair. It was way too hot to wear socks and everything else I’d put on.

I rummaged through my clothes and put on a too short nightgown. Seriously usually nobody saw you in them so why buy new ones? Especially in summer my motto was ‘the shorter the better’, except for in public.  Korean’s didn't really care about the length of your skirt or shorts, but I did. Cultural differences, strict parents and hella insecurities. Basically I was scared my thighs would look fat and my parents were scared of their innocent daughter being too sexy (although that was obviously wishful dreaming.)

I cuddled into my sheets and wrapped my arms tightly around Curly, Blanky, Nilly and the raven. “Good night my friends.”

- - - - -

When I woke up it was still dark outside. The setting of my room was unchanged and the window stood open, leaving a morning breeze to blow into my room. A yawn escaped my lips and I nuzzled my head back into my thin sheets. It was waaaay too early to get up. I fell asleep again, my thoughts with my best friend. Hopefully he rested well. It was a blurry haze between sleep and awareness. My brain teased me with short scenes of Hobi hugging me, stroking my cheek and disappearing again. His fresh sweet scent surrounded me like a warm blanket of comfort.

Home.

A/N:
I'm sorry. I've had his saved for quite some time now and totally forgot to post it :((( I promise I'm back again from now on. I'm just busy with school. Actually I don't study a lot but it pressures me a lot mentally. Still I will try to update once a week again ♥️❄️