Disproportion || BTS

11. Chapter

POV: Hoseok

I peeled of my wet clothes and threw them onto the floor before I stepped into the shower. It came down cold and I jumped away while cursing. Hotels!

When the water had warmed up a bit I washed myself. The pit of my stomach felt empty and I noticed too late that I steamed up the bathroom but my skin looked red and puffy already.

I sighed.

I should have known. I couldn't help but blame myself. Dea was my best friend! Not that I hadn't known that she was having a hard time but I didn't act on it. Indeed I only made matters worse today. If I wouldn't have made that inconsiderate statement she wouldn't have ran away.

"Are you okay?", Taehyung asked after I smashed my fist against the marble. "Yeh, yeah." "I'm coming in!"

I sunk down and pulled my knees up to my chest. A shadow picked up my wet clothes and Taehyung opened the glass door. He took my hands from my face, softly pulled me up and wrapped a towel around my tired body before carrying me to bed.

"I wanna know everything."

POV: Dea

I fell asleep on the ride to the hospital. When I woke up it was dark. A dimm light shone through the door crack and I sleepily pushed myself up onto my elbows. My throat was sore and I was craving for a glass water.

I wanted to pull away the blankets but a heavy weight held me back. I blinked and made a face before carefully extending my hand towards the object to move it out of the way.

Somebody groaned and I froze in place. I held my breath and looked around the room nervously. A warm breeze fanned across my fingers and I jerked back. The man gripped onto me and mumbled a unconscious "Hyung" before lacing our fingers.

"Hyung", it echoed in my mind. I looked down at the fragile statue, definitely Jimin. He was so beautiful I just had to tuck back his messy bangs. "Yoongi...", he sighed.

Oooh, now I had to wake him up. I hadn't known Yoonmin was real. "Jimin", I whispered. "Don't stop, Yoongi!", the mochi whined into the sheets. I grabbed his shoulder and shook him hard. "Wake up! You're sleeping on my legs!"

He looked up sleepily and hummed. "Oh it's you. Just go back to sleep then" he meant and leaned down again. "Jimin I need to go to the toilet" I insisted. He snorted and made some room for me so I got up to do my business and get a drink.

When I re-entered the room the blind was up and Jimin was sleeping in an armchair cradled against Yoongi's chest in a close embrace while the moon lightened up their soft features. I smiled. Oh yes, I shipped them.

I had skipped dinner and now that I was awake I got really hungry so I decided to go get some food. When I sneaked out, in the white hospital gown with a blue pattern, I looked like a ghost. It was chilling in the hallway and the thought of ill people (some might even be dying) scared me.

I wrapped my arms closer around my torso and tiptoed along to the falling door numbers. Too late I realized that even if I found a snack machine I didn't have money to pay with.

But I'd gone too far to change directions again in every way possible. I hoped this wasn't a psych ward already because god the thought scared me. The thought of others realizing my actual insanity scared me. To death.

Once initiated suddenly my breathing hitched and I couldn't think about anything else but leaving this sickening building. It felt as if I was trapped and my heart was pounding wildly against the cage of my chest. I broke out into a distinctive run. My body was telling me no. The logical part of me was agreeing with it. But I listened to the soaring voice of anxiety in my head that told me to push harder.

The cloth revealed my tights as my feet drummed onto the floor rhythmically. Sweat was dripping down my face and my heavy breathing sounded loud in the empty hallway. It must have been luck that lead me to the waiting hall. As soon as I spotted the exit my speed doubled and I stormed out without looking right or left.

I almost fell when I hurried down the steps because my feet faltered. After I rounded the first block I stopped and leaned against a random house. My legs felt gibberish and I bent down in an attempt to catch my breath. Even more could I use a glass of water now.

I thought that if I can't fix myself maybe I don't deserve to live. It was alone my fault, mine. I banged my head against the wall and slid down. I expected myself to cry because I'm f*cking weak but I couldn't.

The cold settled and I pulled the thin shirt over my legs. Only then did I notice that my toes had started bleeding again. Part of me told me to get a bandage and just clean it up like I would normally do, while the other didn't care anymore. I looked up at the only source of light besides a flickering street lamp - the moon was beautiful tonight. This dangerous calmness settled inside of me again and when I heard Namjoon scream my name I knew I had to run.

The paved walk of cobblestone became one blurry line in front of my eyes. I was so focused on not stumbling again that I didn't notice the obstacle in front of me before it was too late. I tried to jump and change directions but strong arms wrapped around me in an iron grip.

Adrenaline still controlling my body I kicked around me but I had no chance with my back pressed against his front. Namjoon's hands were securing my arms tightly by pressing them down crossed over my chest. "Let me go. I'll only hurt you!", I thought but I didn't say it.

Instead I stopped moving and put on my poker face. He sighed and spun me around. His hands were holding onto my arms firmly and I looked up to him. I saw a single tear running down his cheek and the thin membrane 'of I'm holding it together' dropped. Before I could act he hugged me securely.

Naturally my arms wrapped around him too. He pulled me closer to his chest and I buried my face in his shirt. Endless rivers of tears suddenly flowed down my face and soaked into his clothing. He circled my back and held me patiently but I couldn't stop shaking. "Shh."

My teacher lifted me off the ground and carried me back bridal style. I carved into him and held onto his shoulder. His body was warm and I simply felt numb. I don't know how we made it through the doors but when he sat me down it was on my bed. "Namjoon", I whispered at the loss of the warmth and reached for him.

"Shh, shh. I'll be back babygirl", he responded quietly. I nodded and waited. My feet were warm because they were bloody. I realized that I needed to wash them. I didn't want anybody to know.

"RM!" I called out in a low tune. He came back from the bathroom and swept me off the bed without a word, placed me on the toilet lid and locked the door of the small cubicle. When he turned to me his expression was serious, "Nobody needs to know." I sighed. He wouldn't tell anyone. But what if I had left a trail of blood? Maybe he found me because I did. I didn't want anybody to know. My eyes got wet again. If people knew I could just die too.

As if reading my mind he responded that he'd take care of the blood. I relaxed a bit and tried to smile but we only cringed when I did. "You need to shower Dea", he mumbled. I needed to shower. I smelled. "Can you stand alone?" he asked concerned with features ever so soft. "There isn't really another option, right?", I answered and put some weight onto my feet. "We could ring the nurse but I don't know a good enough excuse we could make up for", he indicated me, "your condition."

Namjoon helped me climb inside the shower and I threw the clothes over the plastic shower curtain. When I was seated I cringed and started cleansing my wounds with clear, cold water.

After I hissed several times he did a voice check up on me. "Yeah, it just stings", I replied. "Okay. Can I leave you alone for a few minutes? I need to go get a bandage for your feet and possible an ointment?", he questioned. "Sure. I won't run away again", I joked.

"Dea?"
"Yeah?"
"Promise me."

I sighed, "I'm sorry RM I know it's not funny."
"Pinky swear?" I slipped my finger through a small gap between the curtain and the wall. He linked our fingers and squeezed. It made me smile and I just knew he had mirrored my expression.

As soon as he headed out of the door I got up, drunk right from the faucet and turned on the warm water. I quickly finished showering and dried myself off with a rough towel.

Because of the small space I didn't get around taking a glance at my reflection. Awful, but I was paralyzed. Soft pink lines were drawn across my tummy and I looked exhausted with bags under my red rimmed eyes. Confusion clouded my my mind, finally I looked right. Ugly - the way I felt.

I shut my eyes and decided to ignore the fact that my teacher had seen the real me. It had been his own decision to stay with me after all. Not my fault.

A soft knock on the bathroom door brought me back to the present and I covered myself before opening the door six inches.

"I picked up some clothes at a rank, but umm they didn't have underwear", he muttered. I blushed and took the rag. Brr another gown. Of course I had to wear it anyway... just like the hospital granny panties.

I walked into the room, pulling the seam of the shirt down, and crawled into bed. Namjoon sat on the chair beside me and asked if we should put on the bandages now. "No, let's only apply the ointment. I won't walk around anyway", I meant. He nodded slowly and handed me the tube. I carefully spread the cream over my feet before giving it back. "Thank you for everything."

He bluntly ignored my last statement and explained, "I bought you some food from the snack vending machine because I thought you might be hungry." "Aww, how cute", I fangirled. He was real boyfriend material, but he also was my teacher.

I looked at him expectantly but he stared at me intensely which made me blush. "Wh-What is it?", I asked hesitantly. He scratched his neck. That tended to be a habit of him when being nervous or uncomfortable. I waved my hand in dismissal and he gave me the food.

I munched happily and he watched me with an expression that made me very cautious. It made my stomach twist, but in a good way. When I finished I laid down and he stood up to bend over me. "I'll go clean up the mess now or shall I stay until you're sleeping?" "No--no, no. I'll be fine", I smiled. He pecked my forehead and headed out the door.

Omo! Did that just really happen? I turned towards the window dreamingly and hugged the blankets before falling asleep in the moonlight.