Disproportion || BTS

7. Chapter

POV: Namjoon

Two hours had passed since Dea left and I went in search of her. If you asked me she had already gotten lost or she was relaxing somewhere with us worrying. Ok - with me worrying.

I smiled when I spotted Dea. By that time I’d gotten lost.  She was lying in the sun on a bench. The sunlight was shining down onto her feminine shape. Her shirt was rolled up and she had gotten a tan. I left the shade and kneed down next to her to wake her up.

She looked so peaceful. A warm smile lifted the corners of my lips. Her feet were bent and her head was resting on the left arm, lips slightly opened. I observed the way her chest heaved everytime a breath left her lips. It was paralyzing, she seemed so at peace.

Gone was the noisy girl, who was continuously talking and laughing. No, when I looked at her like this I could clearly see  there was more. The person I had only been able to guess about in the past through reading Dea’s papers was right in front of me.

I realized that I genuinely wanted to get to know her better. She had awoken my interest. Was there anything she was passionate about? Could it be writing or rather something else? I wondered. The urge to find out everything about her took my breath away.

I layed down in the grass next to her and stared into the sky. We’d spend the next ten days together so it shouldn’t be too hard to find out. Scratch that! I needed to get her alone if I wanted to get closer. I’m not accusing her of faking her personality but she acted different depending on the people around her.

At school she never spoke much and got shy as soon as she had to interact with a student. Yet, she acted totally different with the guys around. She had much in common with Hoseok then and I could clearly see why they were best friends. To me Dea was a mystery. Who was she?

It was possible that BTS were already searching for us. I didn’t think that the girl knew where we were and therefore we should really get going. I sat up and carefully shook her shoulder. Then I shook her harder. She must have been really tired because she didn’t wake up.

“Dea”, I yelled and gripped her tight. She jerked up and fell off the bench into my lap. My eyes widened and I looked at her startled. The younger rubbed her head and yawned. I felt very uncomfortable because of the sudden skinship. She turned her head and her lips brushed against my thigh which sent shivers down my spine. Why was she doing this? Gosh, what was I thinking? She wasn’t even fully awake yet. Of course it wasn’t on purpose.

I tilted her chin upwards until she looked at me. “Afsqu. F--f*ck. Is this another dream?”, she muttered. I shook my head slightly but she reached out for me. “It isn’t, is it?”, she asked while tracing her fingers along my jawline.

I froze and my brain stopped working for a split second. Ahhhhsfjskfjslfj! I needed to stop thiiis! Her touch was so intimate that my body was reacting to it in a very inappropriate way. I took her hand in mine and rested it on her belly. She must have had a very romantic dream about her crush or so…

“Namjoonie”, she exclaimed and my eyes met hers. “F--f*ck!”, I muttered. “Sit up. You’re still dizzy. I don’t want anything to happen that we would regret.” Dea sat up and relievement washed over me when I finally could put some distance between us. Her puppy eyes looked at me and I offered her a hand to get up.

“We need to find a way out of here”, I avoided looking at her while speaking. “Yah, u--uhm of course”, she replied flustered. I glanced towards her she was fidgeting with her hands and her ears were burning with embarrassment. How cuteee! No, I should just ask her to forget about it! But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings...feelings? I was in trouble.

I lead the way and it wasn’t the right one. Uncomfortable silence had settled between me and the pupil and I decided to break it. “Where do you think we should?” “If your talking with me that’s the wrong address. I haven’t got a single clue. I suck at geography”, she responded. “Oh,  I thought you liked natural sciences?”

She gave a bitter laughter, “Not anymore. I was never good at geography though.” “That sounds like you hate it!”, I digged deeper. “Yah, it’s complicated…” She sighed and ruffled her hair. “We have a lot of time…”

I didn’t believe she would but she started talking.

“My last school was specialized in science but it was horrible. After the first semester I used to get sick alone at the idea of going. I developed all kinds of issues due to my school stress. My marks dropped and I felt so tired all the time”, she told me.

“That’s horrible! I wouldn’t have expected something like that from you. You never seem to be struggling.”

“That’s it. Everybody expects me to be fine but sometimes I hate myself so fucking much.”

I was shook. Was that the real reason she had moved?

“I started running from my life. Hoseok helped me a lot. He taught me how to dance and took me to various clubs. I didn’t do my homework anymore I used to only sit in front of my laptop and write or overthink”, she admitted.

I asked, “So you don’t want to do science anymore?”

“Huh? I am still interested but I don’t feel like it’s my future. My passion is music and writing. I want to move and inspire people. I want to know that my life wasn’t worthless when I die.”

Apparently I had been kind of right with the way I see her. It still took me some time to hear my guess confirmed. I decided to stick to the topic I was most comfortable with.

“So you make your own music?”, I spoke surprised.

“I wish I would. When I was in grammar school I used to write songs but then I stopped. The thing is I am most likely to write if I am sad. But since I started hanging around with you guys my ‘spirit’ is slowly coming around again”, she meant and shrugged her shoulders.

“I call that ability to express myself through music spirit. I am taking guitar lessons and Hoseok teaches me dance but I can’t sing a single note in tune. Long story short: I’d make a bad singer after all and nobody wants to sing my songs. It might be my passion but nobody ever taught me how to do it right so it’s boring.”, she said.

I promised her that I will think of something. When we rounded the corner we bumped right into the rest of Bangtan.

“Where were you?”, Jimin cried and clung on tightly to Dea. “U-Uhm. I got lost and then Rapmon found me but he had gotten lost too so we were lost together”, she explained. Hoseok raised an eyebrow at her but she just quietly shook her head mouthing something to him.

“I was worried about you RM”, Tae exclaimed and hugged me. I was confused that he was showing me a lot of attention. Normally he would be more discreet but I pushed the thought away and squeezed him back.

Yoongi yawned and Jin told him off for it before smiling brightly. He made the suggestion of going  to the beach and looked directly at me. I grimaced. “When I went jogging in the morning I saw some crabs”, he added with a luring smile. At that he had me. CRABS!

“Yes, let’s go!”, I meant in excitement. Jin marched forward and I followed happily.