𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝑳𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 | ✔

Chapter 28

*Jay's POV*

Erin went back to work the first time since I got back home.
I was actually fine, but there were days when it was particularly bad, like today.
I had spent the night on the couch, because in the evening I had problems concentrating normally and not thinking of being back in the dark room.
So I had to keep myself busy somehow. First I made the beds because I had nothing better to do. After that I decided to make breakfast, which was not a good idea as I could still hear Lukas' voice in my head and couldn't eat a bite.
I went for a walk only to see some teenage kids dealing drugs at the corners but I couldn't go after it because I wasn't on duty and I didn't want to call someone else so I just let them make their money by dealing.
The voices in my head seemed to get louder and louder and less and less I was able to fight them.
So it was quite a relief when Erin came back from the district.
I skipped the greeting part and kissed her intensely. Her look was more than astonished, but she returned the kiss.
"Do you feel better?" She looked like she wasn't sure what she was suppose to think about my behavior.
I couldn't answer her.

*Erin's POV*

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

Jay behaved a bit strange and I didn't know exactly how to react.
My blood froze for a brief moment when I heard a click.
"Jay?" I turned around and my heart stopped beating for a moment.
Jay smiled like crazy, but tears ran down his face at the same time in his right hand he had his gun and it was pointed at his head.
"No!" I walked up to him but that only caused him to put his finger on the trigger.
"The voices need to stop. I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry." As he talked, his voice became quieter and more confident, which made me even more scared.
"Hear me out! Let me say something before you do it. Please, Jay." My voice was trembling and I saw him only blurred because my eyes were full of tears but I saw that he nodded so I started talking.
"You can't do this. That is exactly what Lukas wanted to happen. The only reason he didn't kill was because he wanted you to suffer. And if you kill yourself, now and today, then you have to kill me first. I can't live without you and I won't live without you. So if you don't do it I'll kill myself." My voice was calm and confident too.
"You can't do that. You got too much to live for." Jay looked completely shocked by my speech.
"Like what? You are my damn reason to live, Jay Halstead. And if you take that away from me there is nothing that's keeping me here." It sounded dramatic, but I meant the words seriously.
"You would do that." It sounded more like he wanted to find a reason to believe it himself.
"If you don't believe me just shoot me. I'm not wearing a vest or anything." I gave him a challenging look.
"Stop it. You know I would never kill you." He had tears in his eyes and he was starting to shake.
"Don't do it, Jay. Please stay with me." I had tears in my eyes aswell and I begged him not to leave me.
He lowered the gun slowly and I took it from his hand and secured it before I took care of him.
"I would never shoot you." He was slumped on the couch, trembling all over. He looked down at his hands and then at me.
"I know." I wrapped my arms around him as if that hug would hold him with me forever.
"But why'd you safe me?" He said quietly.
"Because I need you. Everything I said I meant exactly that way. There is no way I can live without you. Shadow cannot exist without light and I cannot exist without you. You are my light, you are my hope, you are my world." I looked at him and my voice was still trembling.
"Do you mind if I lay down and sleep a bit?" He looked really tired and I immediately got up so he could lay down.
"I'll be here when you wake up. I promise." He just nodded and then closed his eyes.
After a short time I saw from his breathing that he had fallen asleep and I watched his breathing closely, because I didn't want him to get away by not waking up again.