Putting Pen To Paper - Naegami Story

Towa Arc - 9

Dear Byakuya,

I will be jacked by the time I return to Future Foundation Headquarters, so you should expect to be impressed! Now that you have introduced me to how the child might react when I leave Towa City, I find myself trying to separate from him more, and I pay more attention to the other kids, who usually have no interest in me. I don't expect you to really understand why I feel like the child is cute, we are vastly different in our relationships with others. The more I start to think about it, the more I lean toward the idea that the kid only likes me because I'm one of the only responsible adults he's been around for a while.

I didn't think you would notice where I was looking in the photo! It is slightly embarrassing that you acknowledge it...

Thank you for telling me that. I mean about what you feel towards our class. It is relieving that even someone I think of as highly as you has a sort of confusion regarding their feelings about the whole thing. I hope that someday we both will be able to look back and smile when looking at pictures of our class. It still weighs on me. The guilt of not being able to save them, that I survived, when all our friends didn't. I'm sorry to unload this on you, someone who probably could care less, and I'm fine if you skip over this, I just want to get my thoughts out. Maybe a journal would be a better place for that, but oh well. It seems like the only reason I survived was that I was lucky, I didn't work harder than the others, I wasn't more intelligent than the others, I just was lucky, exactly what my talent says. I can't help but feel like if I were more diligent on that first, second, third day, Sayaka, Leon, all the others would be with us right now. If I just noticed how different Mukuro really looked from her sister...but any chance I had to save anyone is gone. And now I feel like it should have been someone else who survived, not me. Now that I've really said it, I feel embarrassed. If you really are going to read this, I understand if this makes you think less of me, if this means I'm weak or something. I just wish I could time travel, I wish I was smarter. I could have saved all of them. But for now I just have to smile forward, and try to make the memories I have retained with them as happy as possible. If you're reading this part, I want to ask if you think I could ever look back and not feel guilty?

Now that you've explained it, I can understand your reasoning more for wanting to focus on Japan. And your hesitance to meet with other country's officials. But if you do end up having some huge international conference, I know you'll be show stopping. You've always been keen. But you know that.

What's Snow Country about? I haven't read it, or heard of it, even though you call it a classic? I'm curious now, so please share! Do you like it so far? I'm glad you're reading, it's good to take your mind off work every so often!

Before I close this letter off, I just wanted to give a small update on Komaru. I believe she is recovering, although slowly. Toko has been kind enough to continue to stay by her side during this time, and I join her when I can manage it. She's been able to get better sleep recently. Maybe it was your wishes for her to get better that made her start to feel better!

Your friend,

Makoto