Putting Pen To Paper - Naegami Story

Ineffable Arc - 23

Byakuya,

Despite your warnings I went to see Nakajima. I know you told me not to risk myself with that, but I felt I had to. You know she is the cousin of our classmate, and that Hiro had ran into her before, and had been exposed to her kind of insanity. But there was still so much of me that was confused, and wanted answers for what she had done.

First, she was very silent and sat to glare at me for a while. Every so often I attempted to coax some answers from her, but it did not work. It was not until I mentioned our late peer Kuwata did she crack, letting violent sobs wrack her entire body until her previously unused voicebox became scratchy. She told me that he was the only one who had ever loved her, and that she was very deeply in love with him. This sick feeling had sparked a hatred in her veins for the Foundation, who she believed, and still believes, is the reason the killing game happened, and that we were the reason her cousin died. It hurt so much to hear this, and I forced myself to continue listening. You know that is a fault of mine. That I will hear every word a person says just so I can try to understand them. To have her-who knows Leon better than we will ever be able to, since the majority of our memories of him are now erased-confirm the lingering guilt rooted inside me was one of the worst things to ever happen. I was suffocated by this guilt as she berated me until she was breathless. She told me I was the reason he died, that if Sayaka had just decided to kill me instead, that Leon would be in front of her instead of a murderer. Or if Kirigiri hadn't bothered to figure out that he was the culprit, he would have been released back into the world. It turns out, that was why she carved that word onto her back. It is so vicious what she did to our friend. I wanted to scream at her, but I couldn't find the energy within me. Can you believe it? I lacked even the conviction to stand up for Kyoko, who has saved my life so many times, who I am so grateful for. She said I was lucky to still be alive, that it makes no sense for me to be here when Leon isn't. It pains me to admit that there is some of me that agrees with that.

What she wanted was to recreate the circumstances of her cousin's death, which I had gathered but it was another thing entirely to hear it from her. She wanted to destroy Kyoko and I the most, as she believes we were the most instrumental in her cousin's death. She told me she wanted to see me kill Kyoko the way Leon had killed Sayaka, and then I would have to endure the same punishment as him. I vomited.

You will not enjoy reading this, but this conversation with Kanon has only strengthened my belief that I must go back to rebuild the Liberation Force. I was her target, if I hadn't gone there in the first place this would not have happened. Please, you need to understand that I must return to help them. My heart is breaking knowing I am doing nothing. I need you. And I need to do this.

With love, Makoto