Don't Fall in Love With Me

67. Reconciled Relationships

Arianna's P.O.V

It was happening again. 

I was again succumbing to my feelings for Aiden and letting them rule over my common sense. At this time the priority was the mole not me. So what if the burden increased a little on me? I actually deserved to be punished for what I did.

Previous night even the insomnia was back. It had recovered a lot after Aiden came in my life but recent happenings have triggered them again. I have not even told Rosa and James about this because I know they are going to freak out instantly.

Also it is not that bad is it? When you can't sleep at least you know that you don't have to face your nightmares anymore.

Every time I close my eyes I just see Carol lying in my arms, her life slipping out slowly as I just sat there and not being able to do anything. I hated this, I hated this feeling of helplessness it made me feel.

Now I kind of understand why dad insisted on me getting cold and hard towards the world. In our world there is nothing as happiness. It is all just a big fucking myth. Happiness is just the illusion we choose to live in until reality knocks us off our feet.

I had seen the fear in my dad's eyes when they held mom. I saw the defeat shining in mom's eyes when they shot dad. I remember myself clogging my tears when I saw my entire family fall down dead on the floor.

After that how can anyone claim that love makes us stronger? It just complicates things even more for us. Surely there are a few moments of bliss but when the bad times come, the people who love are hurt the most. Love made mom and dad vulnerable. 

But is Aiden making me vulnerable? Or am I making him?

I raised the charm bracelet in front of my face as I traced the charms with my finger. I wanted to avoid Aiden, avoid everybody for some time. I wanted to return back to the person I was before meeting him. At least it would have hurt less.

But I hate that I can't leave him. I literally stopped myself all the time yesterday in the meeting but when everybody was leaving I somehow blurted it out. I know I shouldn't go out even today with him but I can't say no now. I know he means well for me and that is what pains me even more. 

He is hurting himself so that he can protect me. He got almost shot twice because of me. He is running around the world, hiding from mafia because me. He has had his normal perfect life all twisted up just because of me. 

But still he wants to be with me.

"Arianna you ready?" Noah peeked inside my room as he spotted my face in the mirror causing him to frown.

"Hey something bothering you?" He asked worriedly as he walked up to me and sat down on the chair beside me.

"I mean yeah, of course. Something is definitely bothering me." I let out a dry chuckle as his face remained serious.

"You and I both know it is something else." Noah said in a grave tone as I sighed loudly.

"It's not as if I could help it anyways." I huffed loudly.

"But you can at least try and share with someone like me. You know right that keeping your feelings bottled up never helps?"

"In my case it does."

"Well look at it this way, if you kept your feelings bottled up all the time then you wouldn't have been able to confess your feelings for Aiden and be together with him!"

"Well if that happened then a majority of my problems would have been solved." I sighed as Noah snapped his fingers.

"Aha! I knew it! I knew Aiden was the thing which was bothering you!" He grinned widely as I shook my head in slight amusement.