SPOT HIM BEHIND (the Spot Saga: Season 1)

SPOT 42: BEFORE HER

DUEZ.

FEAR CREPT AND REVISITED me as Macthara collapsed on my arms. Like shattered glass, I turned vulnerable in just a second. With blood all over her dress, memories flashed like lightning. Hence, tiny sparks of emotions swelled into burns in my heart.

Carrying her feels like holding onto a lifeless body. Panting, nagmadali akong tumakbo para humingi ng tulong sa mga nars. I brought her to the nearest hospital, which is more than twelve minutes away.

Within those crucial times, I wasn't prepared to say goodbye. Not now that she has never forgiven me, that she's never seen me suffer like she wants to. Habang nasa biyahe, I kept on monitoring her, shifting my eyes to the road and her unconscious body. Pressing her soft hands, all I wished was for her to hold on and never give up.

"Macky, please don't let go!" I screamed, still holding her on my arms.

Dinaluhan ako ng mga nars sa emergency room at kinuha ang walang malay na katawan ni Macthara. Napatakip ako ng bibig, nagpipigil sa rumaragasang emosyong malapit nang lunurin ako.

"Sir, maghintay na lang ho kayo sa labas..." binakuran ako ng isang babaeng nurse at napaatras ako. Hinawi niya ang kurtina at tanging ang namumutlang mukha ni Macky ang huli kong nakita.

I ceased and rubbed my nape in so much frustration. And this is what I hate the most: being useless. Just the way they pushed me, I felt so tormented to the core. All I can do is put my trust in their hands, for only they can revive her. But, how can I be silenced? How can I calm down when someone so dear to me is just inside those curtains, struggling and begging for her life?

Unti-unti na akong pinapatay ng takot. Kulang na lang para ilibing ko ang sarili sa mga saloobing binabagabag ako. Para akong bumabalik sa dati. I came back to that dreadful past where I held onto her unconscious body. For the nth time, she's in deep pain.

She's damaged after sacrificing herself again, at isa iyon sa mga hindi ko gustong ginagawa niya. She's ready to throw herself at the pit kahit na ang taong inililigtas ay naghihintay sa pinakadulong parte ng bangin, even when the ground was unperceivable or covered with thick fog and swallowed by impenetrable darkness.

She's more than an ordinary scout on a storm. Macthara is anyone's life vest and hard shield. Handa niyang saluhin ang lahat, kahit bala at saksak, para hindi mapahamak ang mga taong mahalaga sa kanya. But eventually, sarili din niya ang lumulutang sa dagat, helplessly waiting for the currents to lure her on the shore.

Napaupo ako sa metal bench. Sa sobrang bigat ng nararamdaman ko, I sank into my own thoughts. Sa lahat ng makakasaksi sa paghihirap niya, bakit ako pa?

Why would the heavens want me to witness her struggle? Does it ever know that it burdens me a ton and stabs me a million to see her in that depressed state? Tinutupad na ba ng langit ang mga kahilingan niya? Na ako naman ngayon ang magdusa? Na hindi pa sapat ang pagluluksa ko sa pag-alis niya noon?

I stayed in my seat, almost like an eternity waiting for the doctor's update. Napaabante ako at napahalimos ng mukha. I can sense my hands trembling from severe distress. Ang kaya ko lang gawin ay ang mag-aalala nang sobra. 

I stood up and gathered strength. Nilapitan ko ang front nurse ward para maki-hiram ng telepono. I typed her friend's house number. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag noong magring iyon. It took half a minute for the other end to answer. But it wasn't the owner who talked.

"May I speak to Allende Lamarco, please? Tell her it's urgent," paalala ko at ipinaliwanag ang bawat detalye at sa kung anong ospital nito pupuntahan ang kaibigan. Walang labis, walang kulang. Though I left out some parts that need not be mentioned.