COMPLETED
Penn State University.
Home to the craziest sorority girls, most obnoxious football players, and a possible Vice President's son.
Sloane Beck wants nothing more than to have her cheating ex-boyfriend crawl back to her.
Blake Day wants not...
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Sloane Beck
There were more good times than bad when it came to Caden Wright and me.
He knew things that I wouldn't dare tell anyone today. He knew my shit list, my hit list, and he knew every man on this campus that I had fucked. This is why his betrail hurt me worse than anyone ever had.
I was untouchable.
I rarely let my real feelings out, I'm scared to. For someone who had been sent away every time something in her life went wrong—I don't want to slip up. Of course, I booked myself to Montana over the summer but I think it was more towards trama and coping if anything.
High school trauma killed me. I woke up at the eating disorder and recovery facility feeling like I would have a million eyes judging me, waiting for me to come in contact with my main predator. But in all reality, my main predator was food. My enemy was what I needed to have to survive this lonely and cruel world.
My first attempt was there.
We were allowed to have all of the normal things that psych ward kids weren't allowed to have. For example, shoelaces, regular curtains, bed sheets, pillowcases. Anything that was able to tie—I used.
I didn't want to be alive anymore.
I felt ugly on the inside and out the outside and no amount of starving could make me want to stay alive for one moment longer.
I was found, hanging.
I was really lucky they told me. I was lucky. For someone who hated being alive and every moment I took another breath caused me a wave of pain, I was lucky to be alive. Could you believe that?
My parents and sister flew out from New York to Montana while I was in the hospital, glaring at me in amazement. How dare I be so selfish when I was one of the most privileged children in the entire country? In Russia too?
But I just couldn't answer them—I couldn't do it.
I wasn't ashamed.
I just didn't think I had any words left to say because I was supposed to be dead by then.
