nothing near clarity

chapter 30

쉬다

I could hear the faint sound of the AC and so does the weird sound the refrigerator behind me is making. It was too quiet, makes me want to escape this place and just go back to the company alongside Haruto. But I know doing that would only make things worse, because I'm sure they'll start to question why we were together.

I was then shocked when the door of our dorm opened and it revealed no other than Hiraya eonnie. I could feel my hands trembling at the sight of her, because I know there's a huge chance that she saw Haruto leaving our dorm, and I'm scared of what she'll say to me. I'm also scared of getting caught for lying to them.

I felt like a mouse caught by the cat. I was too scared to talk, and I couldn't even stare at her in the eyes. What if she tells the company about everything she saw? I know I should trust my members, but I just couldn't do that after what my manager did to me. If my manager whom I spent almost all my years with betrayed me, what more can the people around me that I haven't been with for too long would do to me?

My breathing became unsteady when I saw her coming nearer, I tried to move back, but I was shocked when warm arms slowly wrapped into my body. I let out a shaky sigh, and with all my might, I hugged her back. Tight. It was so nice to be hugged instead of being questioned like what I usually experience. Makes me feel more loved.

"How's school?" Hiraya eonnie asked, her soft voice felt too nice to listen to, she sounds like a teacher asking her student if she was alright or if she's in need of anything.

"It was fine," I answered, but I know for a fact she knew that I didn't go to school today. But I didn't know how to tell her that I lied.

"That's nice," she whispered before she started to comb my hair using her fingers. But even before we get too comfortable in that position, I slowly let go of her. The guilt was slowly eating me, and I didn't know what to do anymore.

I stared at her big doll like eyes, and she stared back at me. Her eyes were like speaking to me, as if telling me that it's okay to talk to her, but I was hesitant, because what if I'm just imagining that look in her eyes? What if she tells the company about this? I don't know what to do if I ever be betrayed by someone I treasure again.

But there was a small part in me that's telling me to tell her, and I tried to stop that small voice, but it won.

"I'm sorry I lied, eonnie."

A small yet genuine smile escaped her lips before muttering these words that made me burst out into tears as my walls slowly crumbled right in front of her.

"That's okay. We all lie. It's normal, because we're humans. We have flaws, and we all commit things that aren't really something that we can be proud of. . . but I'm glad you told me about it, that's so brave of you."

We spent the rest of the evening just watching an anime movie, and she even cooked for the both of us as we waited for our other members to finally come home. I was glad to be able to tell someone of what happened today, though I didn't include my and Haruto's slow dancing in the kitchen. It was so embarrassing, and it felt like a secret between us, so even though Hiraya eonnie seems to be trustworthy, I still kept that part a secret.

"We're home!" I heard Eunkyung eonnie exclaimed and I immediately went to them to welcome them. I saw Mulan eonnie and I immediately went to her to give her a hug. She was never a fan of skinship, but she would always let me hug her.