nothing near clarity

chapter 58

two chapters left!! ch. 60 and then epilogue </3

chapter 58

The morning sun was already greeting me as soon as I opened my eyes. It was a sunny Monday morning, and even though Mondays should be the busiest day for everybody, it wasn't ours. Every Monday is our rest day. It was only 7 am and I have only slept for 3 hours. I wanted to sleep in, but because of my messed up body clock, I was now wide awake at 7 am. It's still so early, so I decided that I'll just make my members some breakfast. It's been a while since I've been able to cook for them because we mostly order take outs, worse, we don't even eat anymore ever since we debuted.

Our debut song earned us a total of 20 wins, earning us the title of having the most music show wins in our generation. We were even told that we have the chance to win Song of The Year at year end award shows. High end brands haven't stopped contacting us, to the point of them offering us too much money just for us to choose them. I have already decided what brand I wanted. It was a battle between Vivienne Westwood and Versace, but I ended up choosing Vivienne Westwood as I have always adored her works ever since I was a young child. I remembered that they'll officially announce me as their global brand ambassador later at midnight.

My members also got a lot of offers, but from what I remembered Hiraya chose Hermes, Mulan chose Dolce and Gabbana, Eunkyung was offered Balenciaga, and Nari chose Valentino. Netizens were all happy when Eunkyung was announced as the new Balenciaga Global Ambassador, and I hope I'll get the same reaction for later once Vivienne Westwood finally announces me as their new global ambassador. Our personal instagram accounts has also gained a lot of followers in such a short amount of time, but it works for our favor because as global ambassadors it's a must to have a huge following.

"You're awake. Good morning," I greeted Mulan who was the first to wake up out of the other three. I gave her a plate of kimchi fried rice and lemon water since it was her favorite. The other three preferred coffee in the morning, but Eunkyung wants hers cold while the other two liked it hot. I smiled after realizing that I missed cooking for my members, it's sad that I won't be able to do it as much. It's true that changes really happen once you debut, and it makes me sad yet happy.

"You're up early," Mulan told me as she drinks her lemon water.

"I can't sleep anymore after 7 am. My body clock's a mess," I said, before eating again. I sighed. It's been two months since our debut, but I'm still not so used to all these changes around me. The biggest change might be the people I interact with. They were cut down to a smaller number, but I didn't mind.

My friends also grew smaller as I grow older and who knew that Junkyu and I aren't as close as we used to anymore I guess our age gap have something to do with it and our busy schedules too, another example is that I'm not that close to the past trainees I trained with, and the only ones I'm closed now to are my members, S Squad, my sunbaenims such as Blackpink, and some members of Treasure.

His group.

I let out a deep sigh again after I remember him. It's been two months, but we never spoke to each other again. It was as if he ghosted me. Whenever I would see him in the company, he never spares me a glance. The rumor he had with a popular girl group member also became the talk of the city. There were a lot of shippers and supporters. Even non fans find them cute. But the rumor was never addressed, since YG entertainment never really said anything. It still sends a sting to my heart whenever I remember that day, but I guess not everybody who likes me are bound to stay.

Ruto... I do miss him so much, but I can't force myself to him if he doesn't like me anymore. I still like him though, maybe it'll take me too many years before I can officially say that I'm over him. What's really sad about it is that when I tried asking Asahi and Hyunsuk about it, they both told me that it's not their story to tell, and that I should go and ask Ruto himself, but everytime I try to get close to him, he just ignores me.