nothing near clarity

chapter 35

Chapter 35

"Childhood Crush"

"I was born to love you..."

Hearing Yedam's voice is like going home after a long day and sleeping in your bed with rain suddenly pouring down. It was comforting and beautiful. I've been in the studio always, and had heard a lot of different artists, but his voice just has this amazing vibe into it that leaves an awe punch in your stomach.

The lyrics of the song made me feel melancholic for an unknown reason. It felt as if the vibe of the song could transfer to the one listening to it. I was very happy before, but now I kind of feel emotional because of his voice and the lyrics. I always heard Yedam making songs about love but this might be the few of his songs that speaks about regret and heartbreak. And fuck, this one really did break my heart.

If you're wondering why I'm inside god Yedam's studio, I was actually tasked by our music teacher to listen and ask some advice from him. While the others are tasked to ask other artists in the company, I was glad that I was assigned to him since we weren't awakward with each other. Our session was over, and it ended with him making me listen to a song he wrote that he never let me listen to before.

"That's fucking amazing, teacher!" I couldn't help but blurt out after his recording was done. He made me listen to it, and he always makes me listen to the songs he would most likely produce in the future, but it stopped when we both got really busy. Aside from Junkyu and my members, Yedam has been one of my closest friends. We were even always partnered and glued to each other when we were younger because our age gap isn't that huge. Remembering the past made me realize how easy life was compared to now.

"You're really grown up now, you even curse! And stop calling me teacher," he oredered, eye wide after he heard me cursing. I laughed out loud at his comment, this guy!

"We're only a year apart. Don't treat me like a kid," I reminded him, but all I got was a gentle smile and a pat on the head from him. I shook my head before playing another song of his that he made me listen to three years ago. This was one of my favorites, I can't wait for it to be released. I know it can be released because this song has so much potential.

"Who's your bonita, huh?" I teased, making him roll his eyes at me. It was no secret in the company that he kind of developed a crush on me when we were younger. It was also one of the reasons why a gap was created between us. I really don't care if he has a crush on me, but he was so embarrassed that it eventually made a gap in our friendship. But now we could joke about it since it's already in the past. I heard when he was 17 he finally stopped liking me because he said he's turning into an adult and he doesn't like the idea of himself having a crush on a kid.

Aside from his talent, I really adore his mindset. Eunkyung chose the right role model.

"Don't listen to that, I still get shy, you know?" he ordered, so I faced him after pausing the song. This guy, really. If only he wasn't a childhood friend of mine I feel like I wouldn't be so close with him.

"Since when did the god Yedam get shy, huh? Really? You get shy now when we already know each other's deepest and darkest secrets?" I joked, making him chuckle, probably remembering our childhood memories, when we were all still dumb and not having a single care about our future careers because only our monthly evaluations are what we think about. Our childhood might not be the same as the others, but I was glad I have friends like them because I was able to at least enjoy it with them.

"I still remember how Jihoon hyung and Junkyu hyung tried to run away after a bad monthly evaluation, but still went back after a few hours because they got scared," Yedam whispered as he looked into space. I chuckled from that memory. Those two really are what we call best friends, they were each other's rock during those tough times. So it must've been really hard for Junkyu when Jihoon was sent home by the company.

"So la mi fa sol~" I sang, getting addicted to his song. He looked at me, and as if getting an idea, his face brightened up and slowly he got his guitar and started strumming. The familiar melody greeted me, and I immediately sang when the intro was done.

"Darararari~" I closed my eyes when I heard him harmonizing with me. Damn, his voice will forever have this effect on me.

"You're the muse, so listen to it carefully, play it. It's true since seventeen yeah~"

I opened my eyes, and there I saw him looking at me. There was something to the way he looked, but I didn't mind it and my gaze went to the door that suddenly opened.

"Don't you know how to knock?" I asked Junkyu when I saw him entering, and behind him was Haruto and Hiraya. I immediately shut my mouth when I saw that they were all shocked from what they saw.

"Awe! You two look cute, it's like he's making harana to you!" Hiraya exclaimed, before going near us, probably to listen to what Yedam was playing on his guitar. And what? Harana? What is that?

"I never knew I'd get to see you two like this again! Ever since the news about Yedam having a crush on you when we were young came out you two grew distant! This is big news!" I glared at Junkyu after he said. Does he really have to say that right now? Yedam might get so shy now, especially now that Hiraya and Haruto are currently inside his studio too. They know nothing about what happened in the past so they might get confused too.

"What's harana?" I asked her, but she only shook her head as if telling me to forget what she just said. I sighed before telling Yedam that I'll get going and thanked him again for teaching me more about producing and writing lyrics.

I bowed to the rest, and didn't even try to make eye contact with Junkyu and Haruto. I left with Hiraya beside me, and once we were outside Yedam's studio/room, Hiraya stopped me from walking out immediately, instead she made us both hide in one of the corners and told me to listen to them first because Junkyu and Ruto suddenly went out of Yedam's studio too. My eyes widened before I made an 'X' sign using my arms but she didn't listen to me, instead she listened to them.

"Is that one of the reasons why you made sure I wouldn't like her? Is it because one of the members previously liked her?" I heard Haruto asking Junkyu, and I felt my knees go weak after I heard all that. Are they talking about me? Damn it, I sound like a narcissistic bitch, but who else could they be talking about, right?

"He didn't stop liking her. He just didn't act out what he felt. So, now that you know, would you still continue whatever you're doing with her, huh? You'll get him hurt! Have you listened to his recent song? It wasn't like the others he made, it was sad! He must've been sad from all the teasing he hears about you and her, but still, he chose not to say anything." Junkyu reasoned out, and right now all I wanted to do was run away because of what I heard. It's impossible for Yedam to still like me! It's been years!

"Why do you only care about them, hyung? Why only consider their feelings, have you ever thought to consider mine? Because I am starting to like her too, hyung. I like Hanbyul."

The alarm made me get up from my bed without meaning to. It was so loud that it could compete with Eunkyung's noisiness. I cringed when I remembered my dream. Dang! That was so weird! And to think Yedam in the dream likes me makes me want to go insane! That can never happen in real life, oh god!

"Wake up, we're already late!" Eunkyung told me, and she was busy putting on some contact lenses. I groaned, what are we even late for? I don't remember any schedule for today.

"What are we even late for?" I asked, still rubbing my eyes because I was still sleepy. I don't even understand why she was in such a hurry. I feel like it's only 7 am, I want to sleep more!

"We're going to the parlor that all YG artists and SM artists go to!" she exclaimed, and my eyes widened after I remembered that we're about to get our hair and nails done today. Damn! How can I forget such a rare opportunity for us to chill while working? I still call it working because getting our hair and nails done is part of our work after all.

"And Byul?" Eunkyung called again when I was now trying to find an outfit to wear for today. I only hummed, a signal for her to carry on on what she's about to say.

"We're back to filming." And that made me even happier.

to be continued. . .