nothing near clarity

chapter 56

idk what yall will feel after reading this, especially because of what happened in chap 56 ahshahsa but i hope yall still read it HAHAHA

chapter 56

I felt someone tapping my face, and I immediately feel relieved because when I opened my eyes, I saw his face. He was so close to me, and usually I would feel shy and hide right away, but this time, I closed the gap between us by hugging him tightly. Relief washing over me as I remembered that it was already a week when me and my members are back in Seoul, and I'm currently hanging out with ruto because he just came back from his concert from Thailand and we're both on our day off. I had to remember it all since my dream felt so freaking real. My heart was still beating so fast because I was really so scared of other people finding out about us.

"Are you alright, darin? You were crying while asleep. Don't worry I'm here, it's just a nightmare," Ruto whispered softly, as he hugged me back.

He's right. It was just a nightmare, but why I am so scared? Was it because the nightmare felt too real? Or was it because I'm so scared of the fact that I can lose this man in front of me as soon as someone sees us this close to each other. I looked away when I met Haruto's worried eyes. Just thinking that I can lose him in an instant makes me feel the urge to protect whatever we have right now more. Because I can't lose him.

"In my dream, they caught us. I was so scared, ruto. I don't want to lose you just because media wanted a story to tell."

I was shocked when Haruto made me look at him, before capturing my lips with his. My eyes closed in an instant and my body just surrendered to his touch. But it wasn't that long when our kiss stopped.

"I will never let them ruin us, Hanbyul. You are my darin. You are special to me, so I'll do everything in my power so that they won't come after us. And even if they do, I'll make sure to announce it way faster than they can. I'm told to always put our fans first, but if they will be the reason for us to grow apart, then I'll have no choice but to put them at the bottom, because you are always first on my list. Heck. The list doesn't even exist anymore because you're my only one, darin. So, please, I beg you to stop thinking about those things, because I can't bear it seeing you getting hurt and crying."

I didn't know what to say, because as soon as I heard Haruto saying those words and him breaking down, I just went to him and hugged him tighter than before. He even begged. I don't fucking deserve him at all.

"But what about your career, Ruto? You must not sacrifice that for me, because I know this might sound so selfish, but I think I can't sacrifice my career for you." I told him, and I knew I sounded so selfish, but I need to be honest to him. I must let him know that it'll always be career over love for me.

"You don't have to choose, darin. I'll just make sure that you'll never choose between those two. And you don't have to do anything, just chase your dreams while I chase those damn stalkers away," he whispered, before kissing the top of my head. I rested my head on his chest, and there I felt his fast beating heart.

I love him so much, but not too much to choose him over my career. I'm sorry. ruto. You don't deserve me at all.

I glanced at the clock inside his room, and when I saw that it was already 2 am, I knew then and there that I'll be sleeping in his room again. It was a blessing that his members weren't so nosy, especially when they found it. Though it was only Yoshi, Asahi and Hyunsuk who knows about it since they're the ones who share an apartment with Ruto.

I was shocked when Ruto suddenly sang Make it right by BTS. His voice sounded so good, since it was deep. It was calming to listen to.

"I can make it right, alright." he sang beautifully as we were hugging each other in his bed.