You're My Home // Bucky Barnes// The Winter Soldier

Chapter 79

Jane's POV

I stayed outside the rest of the night until it got late.
I didn't even realize until late at night that I didn't eat anything all day.

I wasn't hungry though.
Not after everything.

I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't even do that. My mind was racing with everything that happened and I would occasionally go back to crying.

I cried for so many hours my head was hurting; pounding.

It was probably two in the morning and I was feeling a bit hungry after only eating breakfast so I thought I would take the chance since no one was probably awake to go and grab a snack.

I opened my door and peeked my head out slowly to make sure Bucky wasn't out here because quite frankly I wouldn't be surprised if he was waiting for me.

The coast was clear so I walked down the hall to the elevator.
When I got downstairs I used the same sneaky method to see if he was around and I notice it was alone so I made my way to the kitchen.

I felt the same derealization feeling. Like nothing was real as I stood in the middle of the empty kitchen.  I went for the cabinet and grabbed some cookies and turned back. I just watched the room dark and empty.  I looked into the living room and looked at the couch imagining and remembering the moments with Bucky I shared there that seemed to mean nothing now.

I felt tears coming on again as I tried to hold them back. I walked out and stood in the middle of the room feeling so alone.

Everyone lied to me and I don't even have my best friend to talk to because she lied to me too. The only person I had was Bucky and he's the reason I'm feeling the way I'm feeling.

I go and sit at the small table where we eat. Not even bothering to turn the lights on.

I sat there trying to eat the cookies I had but I couldn't even eat one without breaking down in tears yet again for probably the thirtieth time. I sobbed into my arms as I laid my head down on the table.

There I was, Silently crying.

Alone.

I lifted my head with my cheeks stained with tears and my eyes burning now from all the crying. I  looked across the room to see a figure standing and watching me now.

It was Bucky.

I just stayed still like I was frozen.

I wanted to get out of there but I knew there was no use. He would just follow me.

He walked up to me slowly and sat down across from me.

"Jane..."

I didn't answer.

I don't have anything to say to him.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers.

He paused as if waiting for me to respond.

I don't.

"I know you probably hate me right now and I understand, you have every right to."

He looks at me intently.

"I never meant to hurt you. I hope you know that. I love you so much J. I didn't know how to tell you but I-I was going to tell you today actually."