daddy; B.E. imagines

worth it

Y/N POV

"you should leave." the words shocked me to the core. confusion painted my face as i struggled to fight back the pain that was pushing its way forward. i took a breath, calming myself.

"what do you mean?" i asked.

"exactly what i said. you should leave." billie repeated.

"staying with me... you shouldn't bother with it."

hearing those words hurt. but i could see they were hurting billie more. she kept her gaze firmly on the floor in front of her, not even glancing in my direction. i could hear the slight waver of her voice and see her unshed tears. her hands rested by her sides, trembling.

i stepped closer to her. she just stood there, breathing shakily as she fought back the emotions that were threatening to pour out, like boiling water left too long in a pot, ready to spill over the sides. i gently took her hands and she took an audible sharp intake of air.

"i would never leave you." i said.

"ever. why would you even think that?" billie bit her lip, trying to find the words.

"because i'm not worth it." she whispered.

the words cut me deeper than a knife. it was even worse that it was billie saying them. for as long as i'd known her, she'd gone around acting like she was a queen, treating herself to only the best because she deserved it. because she was worth it. and now for her to try pushing me away, saying that she wasn't, was odd and uncomfortable and terrifying.

"what are you talking about?" i asked.

"of course you're worth it. you're always worth it." she shook her head.

"not this time." she said.

"i'm not... i can't..." she struggled to find words, mouth opening and closing soundlessly.

"tell me." i said.

"explain to me why you're thinking this. i want to help."

"you can't!" billie exclaimed.

"i just... i don't feel like myself anymore. i'm scared all the time! i feel powerless! i can't sleep, i can barely eat. it's eating at me and it's going to leave nothing but an empty shell! i see you worrying yourself sick over me day and night! and it's only going to get worse. and then i—" as she spoke, her words came faster and her voice rose, panicked and wild, until she couldn't speak anymore. tears streamed down her face as her breathing grew faster.

every cell in my body ached, wishing to help her. i pulled her close, letting her cry on my shoulder. her body, which had always held so much power and confidence, now felt tiny and frail. her hands grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and clutched at me desperately. i rubbed her back, letting her cry herself out.

"shh, it's okay, bil. i've got you." i whispered.

"no it's not." billie sobbed. i sighed.

"no it's not." i agreed.

"but i've got you. i'm not leaving. not now, not ever. you're stuck with me."

"but—" she began.

"but nothing, baby. i'm not going anywhere."

she shook her head. her crying had begun to die down by now, but her voice still wavered, despite the strength she tried putting into it.

"i don't want it to get bad again. i want it to go away." she said.

"then we'll try our best to not let it get bad again. i want you to know i'm here with you every step of the way." i said, rubbing her back. i feel billie nod against me. i kiss her forehead.

"feeling any better?" i asked.

"a bit. i still think you should leave. i don't wanna take anything out on you." she said.

"not happening, baby. like i said, you're stuck with me." i said.

"you're an idiot." billie said, shaking her head.

"but i'm your idiot." i said. (ew)

"that you are." she teased. she turned serious again almost immediately.

"are you sure there's nothing i can say to convince you-"

"nothing." i said.

"i'm not going anywhere. i love you too much."

"i hate you." billie whispered, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"no, you don't." i said. i knew she could never hate me.

she sighed.

"thank you, love." billie said.

"for everything you've done for me." she lifted her head, giving me a weak smile. tear tracks still stained her face and a few lingered near her eyes.

i gently wiped the remaining tears away.

"you never have to thank me." i said. she leaned into my touch, letting her eyes fall shut.

"but i still want to." she said.

"i love you."

"i love you too, beautiful." i said.

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hii loves, i hope you have a good day

i love youuu