"Read all you want" [Frerard]

5: Realisation hits Gerard, and he does something about it

Gerard

I groan as I wake up. I don't want to wake up. I just want to stay in bed forever and I never want to wake up again. Reality sucks at the moments, so seriously, if I developed some sleeping sickess right now, I wouldn't mind. Yesterday has been really weird. First the thing with the laptop, then, when I came back, Frank was showering and his moans were so loud, and for a moment, I just stood there, frozen. Listening to his moans. Then I felt the blood rushing down and my pants grow tighter, and I quickly crawled into my bed, so that whatever happened, no one would see my arousal. I heard every moan that Frank made, and it drove me nuts. At one point I was grinding myself into the matress, and just when I was about to come, Frank did too, and I knew I had to stop because from that moment on, Frank could walk in again. So I just lay there, waiting. My fists pressed into the matress as I was trying to control myself, and then I heard the lock of the bathroom door, and I quickly pretended that I was almost asleep.

Frank had been really quiet, trying not to wake me up, but I felt so nervous, that I just had to say something. So I apologized for pinning him down earlier. Frank said that he wasn't afraid at that moment, and that confused me, because when I had him under me, he really started to panic. I could see it in his eyes... And, again, I told him that he should jerk off more quiet. If it goes on like this, that guy will drive me sexually frustrated in a way I've never been before.

Then I blink. The past few days, I've only been thinking about Frank. About the way he walks, the way he speaks, the way he laughs, the way he plays guitar... and of course about his body, his muscles and hiss ass in particular. And his moans... Oh god those moans... But in all that time, I haven't thought about Lindsey once. Only when she called me, but after that, my thoughts were on Frank again.

This is not going to work anymore...

I bite my lips when I realize, that whatever happens, the thing between Lindsey and me is long gone... Fuck... How am I going to tel her? And what about Bandit? I can't lose my little girl... I love her so, so much... And does Lindsey still love me? Or does she have the same feelings as me? I guess I should talk to her about this... Rather sooner or later. Now I realized that it's over, I want this to be over. I want to end things with Lindsey. Make sure I get to see Bandit, and maybe... Maybe if I have the guts... Tell Frank what I feel about him.

But we'll see about that last part, because I know that I couldn't tell him this right now. I'm afraid. I don't like changes. I like things the best when they go as I want them to go, and when nothing changes. But I know that big changes are coming.

I groan and step out of my bed and dress myself. Frank is still fast asleep, and I leave it that way. I take my phone and walk out of the hotel room, down the stairs, and then outside. I look at the screen and take a deep breath when I dial Lindsey's phone number. My heart hammers in my chest and my hands start to sweat. I don't love Lindsey anymore, but I do like her as a friend. She's a very sweet women.

"Hey Gee! How are you? Why are you calling me so early this morning? You know it's like seven AM here?"

"I... I know... Lindsey, we have to talk..."