"Read all you want" [Frerard]

30: We're terrified of what's around the corner

Gerard

I look at my watch and start to worry. Frank should be home by now... He went to the Black Shadows by himself, to meet up with William and talk with him. He sent me a message one hour ago, saying he was about to leave. He should've been here by now... I've tried calling his phone, but he doesn't pick up. I've called the Black Shadows as well, but they say they saw Frank leave just when he said to me he was about to come home.

Something must've happened. I don't know what it is, but I'm worried sick. Frank is tough, but vulnerable as well. One bad thing and his newfound confidence could be gone. I debate whether I should call the police, but I know they won't do a thing because it's only been an hour. So I call Mikey instead. 

"Hey Gee, what's up?"

"It's Frank... I can't... I don't know where he is. He should have been here half an hour ago..." I whisper quietly. Mikey is silent. "Okay. Calm down, Gerard. It doesn't immediately mean something bad has happened to him. Maybe there's traffic. Maybe his phone battery died and he can't let you know about it." he says, but I shake my head. "It could be, but I feel like there's something wrong with him." I whisper, and at that moment, the front door opens.

"Fuck. He's back. Got to go Mikey." I quickly ramble and end the phone call. I run to the front door, and see Frank. I let out a sigh in relief and walk towards him, but then I see I had been right.

Something is wrong.

He's crying. Silently. His eyeliner is smeared all across his face, and he's trembling. "Hey... Hey Frankie..." I whisper quietly. Frank's head snaps up and he looks at me. "Don't touch me." he says angrily, and then he pushes me out of his way. I frown. "Frank? What's wrong." I ask him and follow him as he walks upstairs. He ignores me, so I take his wrist in a tight grip and turn him around. "Frank. Talk to me." Frank tenses and starts to tremble even more. He tries to get out of my grip, and the terrified look in his eyes startles me, so I quickly let go. Frank runs into the bathroom and locks the door.

Fucking hell...

I stare at the bathroom door and sigh. I walk towards it and softly knock onto the door. "Go away!" Frank screams and I bite my lips. What happened? He's never acted like this before... "Frank, I won't try to get in, I promise. But I am not going to leave you alone, so I'll stay here. Please... Can you tell me what happened? I want to help you..." I whisper. It's silent for a minute, and then I hear him start to sob. No, no... I can't even describe how much it hurts me to hear him like this.

"I-I can't tell you..." Frank slowly sobs then. I frown. "Why not, sweetheart?" I whisper back, trying not to scare him off. "You'll hate me..."

"Frank. I can never hate you. I love you. No matter what happened, I'll be there for you. I'll take care of you. I promise."

It's silent again. I hope Frank isn't doing anything stupid in there... I know he could, but I can't ask him. If I'd ask him, he'd shut me out for sure. I need to be careful. "Please, Frank..."

"They also said that if I'd tell anyone... They'd come back. They'd kill me." he says slowly, and then he throws something against the wall and screams. I take a deep breath. "They won't know you've told me, sweetheart. They can't know that."

Suddenly, the lock of the door opens, and I close my eyes for a second. "Thank you, Frankie..." I whisper as I open the door. Frank sits down on the floor again and cries. I sit down next to him and slowly pull him against me. Frank winces as if he's in pain, and I groan. "Baby, did they beat you up?" i whisper. I slowly start to pull off Frank's shirt. He trembles and nods quietly. I swallow when I see the dark bruises all over his chest. Dammit...

"Do they hurt?"

"Y-Yeah, but..." he whispers, and then stops talking and closes his eyes. "I can't tell you, Gee. I can't. I want to but I can't say the words." he chokes out and clings onto me. I bite my lips and pull him onto my lap, as careful as I can.

"Sweetheart. It's okay. Let me take care of you. We'll talk later, okay?" I whisper and kiss his forehead as I slowly rock him back and forth, trying to calm him down. Frank nods and relaxes a little in my arms. "I'll take care of you, honey. Everything will be okay, I promise. Let's get you into the bathtub." I whisper. Frank swallows and looks up at me.

 "Don't hate me..." he whispers, and he starts to take of his pants, and then his boxers. And then I know. Then I know what horrible thing has happened to him. There's blood. And dark bruises across his hipbones. Fingerprints. 

They raped him.

I want to scream. I want to kick the wall and scream. But I have to stay calm. For Frank's sake. He's terrified. I need to stay calm. I slowly lift his chin and kiss his lips, gently. "Like I said, I don't hate you, Frank. I can never hate you. I love you. Come here..." I whisper and pull him closer. Holding him tight against me.

Why.

Why did they do this to him? When? I want to ask him so many questions, but he isn't ready for that. Not yet. He needs to be taken care of now. Questions will come later. I let the bathtub fill with water, and then slowly help Frank to get in. I take a sponge and slowly wash him. I wash all the bad things off of him. When I reach his intimate parts, Frank starts to tremble again.

"Do you want to do it yourself?" I whisper gently. Frank shakes his head. "I-I trust you..." I smile and kiss his forehead. "Thank you, Frank." I say softly and wash the rest of his body. After that, I help him to get out. I take a big towel and rub him dry, and then I take him to our bedroom. I get his favorite T-shirt and a pair of boxers and help him to get in them, and then I help him to lay down in bed, and I pull the blankets over his body. 

"Do you want something? To eat? Or coffee? Or hot chocolate?" I ask him then. Frank shakes his head. "Hold me..."

So I do.

I get into the bed, and pull Frank close against me. He buries his head against my chest, and wraps his arms around my waist. I gently rub his back and kiss his forehead. It doesn't take long until he falls asleep.

I, however, stay awake all night. I am so, so angry. No one hurts my boy. I would've been mad if they would've just beaten him up. But this is worse. They took something they shouldn't have taken. Frank is mine. Only mine. He was getting better. Fucking hell, he truly was. After all that shit with his parents... I want to do something about this, but first I need to talk to Frank again, but we'll do that next morning. 

I sigh and look at him. He did not deserve this. Okay, no one does, but... Frank... My sweet little boy... How is he ever going to get over this?